-

I find I know not the times, the suns, the moons.  The continuation of cycles is lost on me.  Besides winter.  All is lost on me.

It all comes apart.  Yet is somehow together in its hovering pieces.

The Chaos.  [blot]  I know not what to say of it.  It remains.  It is.  I remain.  I am.

I realize I speak in circles.  I realize that I am done with, for now, trying to nicely remind myself of what I've lost, because the self I'd be nicely reminding is lost.  'Blind leading the blind' is a human phrase I've heard.  That's exactly what it would be, I think.  I wonder if it would help me now to read all that I wrote.  I wonder if now is the time, the one I'd thought might happen.  I wonder how successful I was in doing what I'd hoped to do with all the memories I'd attempted to keep so crudely~

I am covered by the death that takes flora in winter.

Who would know what they see when looking at their skeleton remains?  Who would know if it will bloom well again, if it will ever be that bright [spot] lighthouse beacon, that vast night sky, that contradictory calming chaos, that creature that may be found beneath blankets, happily holding the Secrets of those who'd happily have them held... or be one of those that, come that changing season, is all but gone when cycles change?  Is more of me in a steadfast tree that will regrow anew, different, yet semblant of what it was before?  Or was I to be found in the plant of a wayward seed, far from the place it was ever meant to try and take root, and now, will merely whither?

[a few blots]

I mourn what I was at times. Just in my silence.  I don't think any others would.  I don't know if they would think what I was is gone, or if [spot] if they'd see me, and find I am not what they wanted.  How I imagine a spirit must be seen, by many of those who knew who they once were.  They merely wish it peace and go, for they feel nothing much else can be done.  I don't know if much can be done.  I don't think it is something to fix, there is nothing to fix.  It is that one thing has been taken away, what it was made of reformed, then placed down again as something else entirely.  Whatever it is, it is, but there is no fixing it.  It's in its sapling state.  New, in its undoing.  I don't think any would know, save Sphae, even if I did completely End.

But it is not even that branch which I speak.  I don't know how else to respect all that they did for me.   I suppose that's an unusual thing, to quietly, occasionally, mourn your own memory that you recall... yet can't seem to reach, can't seem to feel quite right.  It is.. that I had so much.  I [blot] love them, and they loved me. They desperately cared to see me return, and then.. I couldn't.  I couldn't return to them.  They cared for me, and look what they are left with.

But it is like the winter.  It was always likely to happen.  And I realize it was nothing I could stop, as I was.  I didn't want it, but it had to happen.

I still can't decide if I want to embrace it.  If [a few spots] this is just what I am now.  Because it is what I am now.  I may not want it, but it is what I have left to coax into want.  And from wherever that goes, that will be [spot]

One always has a Choice.

But those Choices are not [a blot]

I always thought I might forget.  But I did not think it would be like this.

[blot]

I'm sorry.

Notes: The Stone, Experiments, Results, and Theories pt. 3: Theories and Experiments

Theory of Tether Redirection

Summary: The theory in which the Stone can be 'tricked' into tethering to a different source than those currently affected. A secondary source is attuned to the likeness and magical characteristics of a tethered person while that source has an overall higher magical concentration. Thus, it is a 'more appealing target'. Use of this theory is the current primary solution to test for in regards to helping: Rahvin, Calvin, Donari, and possibly Selda. As well as any other with low magical output that becomes tethered.

* What is Needed for Experimentation

- A large number of magically infused rocks (approximately 6 + per person tethered)
- Those tethered who wish their tethers broken (likely a volunteer willing to test initially; unfortunately, I do not think this method will work on myself.)
- A non-magically cluttered, stable place for the small ritual to take place.
- One with similar abilities to my own (Ability to look through, and manipulate, what is found In-Between, ability to disrupt tethers, knowledge of runes and warding, ability of Null Magic fields and modification of them)
- The Stone
- Several circles (drawn or created by magic)

* (Some of) What is Needed for Infused Rock Gathering 
* A number of strong, fit, capable artifact retrievers.

- Apt in dangerous combat
- Know how to survive harsh desert conditions
- Quick thinkers
- Quick on their feet
- Able to withstand high concentrations of magic
- Able to fight off dragon minions

* Magical artifact containments with the following parameters

- incredibly durable
- able to handle a number of small to medium sized artifacts of similar type
- able to prevent easilly attuned artifacts from attuning to outside magical influence
- easy to transport and keep mobile through tight spaces
- unaffected by large concentrations of magical energy, inside and out.
- In sufficiant numbers, given the need for many artifacts.

* Water, Food, sufficiant travel needs for harsh conditions
* Potential Medical supplies

- treatment for open wounds, broken bones
- treatment for strong acids

Procedure (draft for those uncertain):

Acquiring the Magically Infused Rocks

* Location

- Beyond the Oasis in the Wastes
- Over a bridge of (benign) vines
- And further into the desert.
- There is a far wall in the canyon
- A small cave and 'entrance' has been created by Sphae
- The location may be inhabited by a group led by an asura named Meiddi

- Note: What further follows assumes that Sphae's contacts may not necessarily be able to come through with gathering stones for those who go. The following is if they should have to go themselves.

- Into the small cave, and all the way through, will lead to a much larger cave.
- You will know it when you see it; it is a highly magically charged area.
- There is water there, as well as porous rocks by the cavern walls.
- Those rocks, with the magic jumping all about them in blue sparks, are what you need.

* Cautions

- Sandstorms on the way there
- Creatures in the desert
- Don't fall off cliffs .. unless you want to.
- Tight squeeze through the 'entrance' to the cavern
- [blot] Minions of the Growth may appear inside

- corrupted wolf corpses
- husks
- hostile vines
- Acid spitting atrocities

- The cavern is a high magic concentrated area; anyone who cannot tolerate magic is advised extreme caution. I would suggest, perhaps, not to enter the cavern.

- Note: When you enter the cavern, it is possible that, whatever great or small amount of magical potential you have (realized or not), will increase. Be ready for that; I had to adjust for a few moments, as I was nearly overwhelmed with it, but Sphae did not have such a problem.
- Note: Before objections are made, I will state that nearly everyone who is born in Tyria is said to have magic within them, it is just a matter of realizing it, and some have more latent ability to than others. This does not mean, however, that it isn't present. Magic realization is something that needs practice and development, though latent ability certainly doesn't hurt. Others may have never known that they had any sort of magic within them, and thus never persued learning, but it may still be present. This theory is based on that, and if there is even the most minute of magical possibility within you, (Shadow magic, nature magic, exceptional power in combat gained by use of certain weapons, etc. are included) the rocks may find it in this cavern and use it to attune to you.

- Collect the magically-infused rocks using whatever non-attunment aparatus is involved with the Artifact Containments.

- Note: Do not touch the rocks yourself unless you want to risk them attuning to you. Even though gloves may result in attunement, unless said gloves are specially created for artifact extration.

- Collect at least 6 rocks per tethered person; more would be safer.
- Then get out.

Attunement Procedure

* Obtain the proper Containment Vessel of infused rocks for the attunement.

* Open the containment vessel away from any other person but yourself.

- Note: Some of the rocks may be hovering slightly, or obiting around themselves.

* Pick up several and hold them.

- Note: When I picked up a number of these rocks, they became saturated with my energy fairly quickly. As I carried a pile of them around, when I jumped down from a higher place, they 'hovered' behind, almost leaving a floating trail, until they returned to my arms and the other stones. I am uncertain if this is reliable, but a way to tell if they are properly attuned may be to see if they 'follow' you when left behind.

* Hold onto them until they 'follow' you if set somewhere else and you move away.

- Note: If this does not occur, I will be let known. I will attempt to give the one having issue a boost of power with the same effects of a modified Storm of Chaos, which will enhance their abilities momentarily; it may give them magical energy otherwise difficult to reach for a certain amount of time. I will try distinctly only to improve the target's own potential as opposed to literally changing them with Chaos. This will only be for but a moment, and may not work, but the intent is to 'jump start' the rocks to attuning to the person's magical core.

* Otherwise, do whatever thought will make the rocks really 'yours'.

- If you think licking them is the answer, you may attempt it.
- Note: I don't know what will happen. That's on the one attempting, and I am not to blame for it.

* Once attuned, or at least 'yours' to the best of your ability, let me know.

Tricking Procedure

* I, or someone with similar abilities, will likely be needed for this.

* Prior to this, should Lafey wish to place a draining element on the rocks to create a recursory loop, I feel it should be attempted after attunement, but prior to this procedure.

* Summary: The Stone will be placed closer to the rocks attuned to the person who we are attempting to sever from siphoning. A modified null field will be placed around the person, while I simultaneously attempt to disrupt and temporarily scramble the siphoning. This scrambling will not destroy the siphon link, nor should it necessarily cause undo harm on the person, it would merely be like something got in the way of a beam of light for a moment; a brief block, likely only lasting seconds. The modified null field will create a place of very low magic around the target person, likely making them less desirable to draw from. Meanwhile, the nearby rocks with the person's 'core' and energy signature, (which will be outside the field, and closer to the Stone) will be a much more viable source of power. If the siphoning is drawn to energy, the Stone may instead be 'tricked' into thinking the rocks are the person it was siphoning from, and reconnect to them instead. Thus, hopefully, freeing the person in question due to their much lower amount of power.

- This should not harm the person in question, even though the rocks are attuned to their energy. The rocks themselves are not a siphon, and will not draw power from the person unless the person uses them to channel power. Instead, they will just 'feel' like the person to energy-seeking entities.

- The person who is having this performed would likely be best in a relaxed, perhaps even sleeping, state. One with minimal energy, as opposed to high energy which would 'entice' the Stone, would be best. [blot] I have read that 'hypotism' is a feat that troupes have performed before that is not necessarily magical in origin, so if any have such experience, it may be useful here. I can't say I know how it works, other than it supposedly calms the person somehow, like meditation. Alternatively, if they are already weak enough, nothing additional may be needed.

- It's possible this may only be a temporary solution; while the rocks are magically infused by a powerful source, if they are drained, the siphoning Stone may seek the person it was connected to before the 'trick'. At the very least, it offers a chance for more time, or recovery if a better solution is needed. However, recent research seems to coinside with magic being a primary focus of the Stone. With Lafey's recursory loop put in place, the Stone may never be able to fully drain the foci rocks.

- As with any experiment, things may go wrong. I can't predict how this will go by that branch, however, if we are desperate for a solution, this is one that may work.

* Circles around the stone, the tethered person, and the attuned rocks (each) are not necessary, but likely helpful.

- Given my own issues with magical stability, these will help my energy levels stay more constant.
- Remember to set up a circle for each.
- Remember to not attempt this all at once, rather, try wavering one tether at a time.
- Create by a marking medium, not gems nor blood.

Theory of Null Magic Repulsion

Summary: This theory is based on the knowledge that the Stone seems to repel and reject all forms of magic nullification. By it, it is thought that should a certain sort of 'suit' or covering for me (or any who exude magic constantly) be created, that it can be used to modify all outgoing magic from the wearer's body into 'nullifying magic'. Thus, anything the Stone tethers from will now be nullifying instead of its previous state. The Stone repels nullifying magic, and as such, may sever the connection itself due to the only magic it takes in through the tether being a sort of magic repelled and unwanted.

* Additional Information

- By this theory, I have little experience to determine a procedure, as I am not one who can create such a device. Instead, I am leaving that trusted to Phooka.

* Means of Assistance

- Phooka may request materials.
- There may be a request of 'procedural magic to null-magic conversion' which I can provide for a limited amount of time.
- Obviously I will volunteer to be fitted for anything needed.

* Additional Notes

- This should not bring me harm. Though the Chaos must run through me, that is where necessity stops. The Chaos, by nature, is a force which changes constantly. That it changes to a different form outside of me makes no difference to my well-being, and as such, this sort of device is not nullifying me, but nullifying what leaves me. Much like letting out a breath; if the breath released is somehow altered once it leaves a body, it does nothing to the body, the body simply needs to breathe.

- There are [blot] possible dangers in the 'repelling' that may occur with this theory, especially since my magic is both from an infinince, and reality bending. However, I cannot currently think of any other viable option to sever myself that would be lessdangerous. Having the stone break the connection itself seems to be the best possible hope with the least likely hazards. I guess that a strong repelling force may throw me back away from the stone, and I may no longer be able to hold it or be near it when the 'nullifying' is in place.

- After the nullifying has taken place, it is unlikely, but possible, that it may re-tether to me if the nullifying stops. If it does, a more permanant solution will need to be sought; as I will not be able to use any magical ability outside myself while the nullifying is in place... other than nullifying magic and Second Sight.

- It is also more unlikely, but possible, that the stone may accidentally take in the nullifying magic, and potentially.. nullify itself. In this scenario, considering the others tethered, I do not think it would do them much harm. Instead, it may break all connections, though they would be left in their current states until they naturally recover; they would not instantly regain all the energy that the stone siphoned from them, but they would no longer be siphoned.

Theory of Recursory Loops (by Lafey)

Summary: (As I understand it) This is a theory tied to the first mentioned involving infused rocks as 'tricking' tether points. Assuming that the infused rocks are successfully tethered to instead, Lafey thinks she would be able to place 'drains' on the rocks which allow them to suck magic back from the Stone itself. Thus, the Stone loses power to the rocks, which it takes in from the rocks to regain, and thus again loses power to them. The cycle of draining keeps the Stone occupied from reconnecting to different tether points, and also keeps the rocks from losing their power.

* Additional Notes

- This seems quite interesting and logical as a solution to the stones running out of power, if it can be done. For this, I trust it to Lafey, and will help where directed.

Theory of Negative Fields (by Phooka)

Summary: (As I understand it) Due to the connection made about the Stone repelling null magic fields, Phooka thought it possible to attempt using a negativly charged magnetic field around the stone instead. Apparently, this is known to repel violent magics, and it seems plausible that it may have some effect on the Stone's ability to tether or take in magic. Mention of blocking a more 'ambient' magic was also considered, potentially cutting off the Stone's ability to drain.

* Additional Notes

- This too is something where I've little experience, however, I will help if needed. I trust Phooka to come up with methods and devices to test this theory.

Theory of Power Redistribution (by Phooka)

Summary: (As I understand it) A thought in which the Stone's tethering ability might somehow be reversed, back into the people being drained, so they drain from the stone instead of the other way around.

* Additional Notes

- While intriguing to consider, I can see many problems occurring with this currently; one being the magics have fused, and what is drawn from may not be able to be handled by those drawing it. Another being that it's unknown what the Stone has been doing to the energy it stores, and it may be 'toxic'. And beyond that, those who do not know how to handle large amounts of magic may be overwhelmed, I myself may be pushed beyond my Balance limits, [blot] it is interesting, and plausible, but may be something left more as a last resort attempt.

Notes: The Stone, Experiments, Results, and Theories pt. 2: Knowledge Gained

Knowledge Gained

* By some trigger (time or otherwise), Rahvin became a conduit for, (instead of merely affected by,) the Stone.

- Her mental reasoning was compromised.
- Her Choices seemed altered.
- Her ability to take in energy and retain it was affected.
- Her connection to the Stone remained.
- More unseen 'tendrils' reaching for magic and energy grew from her.
- It seemed to cause her hunger near starvation for such energy.

- Note: It is uncertain whether violence is an effect of this. Certainly un-logical behavior seems to be.

- At some points she was sparking with a strange energy.

- Note: Is it possible that the Stone makes this shift by giving a certain sort of energy? If it is energy given, it's quite possible it can be energy removed to undo the strange conduit-effect.

* Energy Intake

- It does not appear that the Stone directly takes in energy now.
- Instead, it was done much quicker by way of Rahvin.

- Note: This could possibly be likened instead to 'viable parasitic tethers'. It's not entirely certain what the purpose of altering those tethered to the stone is, other than a wider network of hosts to take in and siphon energy. The Stone itself may have deactivated its 'threat' level so as not to be assumed dangerous to any others who seek to touch it; thus, not immediately draining itself, and letting those connected deal with the elements of peril.
- Note: The stone seems confined to a finite existence. I am curious what happens once the stone takes in its capacity of energy. Phooka had mentioned a theory in letter to me on potentially overpowering it, but considering those connected, I am unsure what would occur to them then. This, while interesting, is rather something I'd not test.

- Likewise, energy was split between her and the stone.
- It is unknown whether Rahvin can still gain energy by normal, biological processes, or if the Stone has replaced such needs entirely by its own method.

* Energy Intake: Experiment and Result

- I had 'beaconed' a selection of Chaos energy that I intended to be taken in by the stone.

- Note: The beacon will remain; thus, I can look through the In-Between to determine where the energy has gone or become over time if I seek to.

- I attempted to see if the Stone itself would take in the energy.
- It did not.
- Instead, Rahvin took it in quite quickly.
- Part of it stayed with her, and seemed to help 'power' her.
- Part of it was 'stored' in the Stone.
- Thus far, it has not been converted nor transferred elsewhere.

- Note: Watch it, check it at every few intervals to be sure it has not changed.

* Energy Intake: Types

- It was confirmed by Lafey that the stone does in fact, take both magic and lifeforce.
- However, lifeforce seems to be in smaller quantities. (Though, clearly, the two are very closely knit regardless.)
- Thus, its focus is on magic primarily.
- When Rahvin drained Abrecan, an odd occurrance happened where she seemed to drain the effects of his pills taken instead of his life force.

- Note: This implies that the effects of Abrecan's pill are either a form of magic, or that the Energy Intake Process has shifted to also seeking to take out 'internal defenses against fatality'. Both are notable, and may have logical cause. It's also possible that she overwhelmed him with magic, but that would imply the latter thought in reasoning.

* Stone composition: Experiment and Result

- Though I was distracted from the actual process of this experiment, Sphae tested the stone to see if it was connected to any of the natural elements of Tyria; specifically related to fire and earth.
- According to her analysis, it was not. She seemed to find nothing in relation.
- Thus, several possibilities are ruled out, while others become more prominant.
- I assume the Bloodstones themselves would have some properties of Tyrian elements within them, however, I cannot be certain.
- What is certain is that it is not naturally formed.
- Thus, it is likely a creation, either by something of an outter Realm, or by individuals in this one.

* Rahvin

- In her mutterings, she mentioned something about 'Finding Veil'.
- It is uncertain what kind of veil she refers, or if Veil is a place or being.
- It is possible that 'Veil' is the name of the man she sought before.
- Mentioned 'getting her journal' and 'talking to him'.
- She may have muttered 'cheese' or 'chase'.
- Also uncertain of relevance, though it may be of use later.
- Donari has said that he will follow these leads and attempt to investigate what it is she means.

* Lafey's Analysis

- "The magic I've sensed insofar is general. Which means we could disrupt the connection without necessarily throwing off the lifebalance of those effected." (In theory)

* On retrieving Magically Infused Stones for Tether Severing

- Sphae says she has contacts which may be able to aid in the process of retrieving them without so much [blot] trouble.
- Phooka, Sphae, and Rafe have volunteered to go into the Wastes for these stones.
- Phooka likely also has a means of collecting them without them attuning to him or any other for secure transportation.
- Only those who are capable and able to withstand high concentrations of magic, potentially deadly combat against dragon minions, and harsh desert conditions should even consider going.

* On storing the Stone

- Rafe mentioned that it is the Jester's job to hold such things.
- Thus implying that they will be responsible for its ultimate containment.
- Currently, it resides with me within Phooka's pouch and runed box which opens only at proper combination.

Notes: The Stone, Experiments, Results, and Theories pt. 1: An Attack

Those Present

* Xsaiavlairnn
* Lafeyette Mihel
* Phooka Coltsfoot
* Sphae
* Abrecan
* Rafe
* Donari Mal di Bette
* Zaree of Many Titles
* Rahvin

Prior to Experimentation

* Rahvin wished to kill me.

- Or so it seemed.
- She would listen to no reason, and stormed into the lab attempting to grab hold of me.

- Note: Abrecan yelled at myself and Lafey, though ended up wishing to keep her from me.
- Note: Donari spoke on my behalf of not being killed, but thought she should be able to pummel me.
- Note: I did not allow her near to the best of my current ability. Normally I would not be so adverse to taking blows, but the Chaos was spiking, and such would only cause it to rise more and lash out against her without my guidance. [blot] The Chaos does not care for those who seek to injure me.

* Lafey and Phooka

- Were brilliant.
- And I love them very much.

* Lafey protected me several times by using herself to get in Rahvin's way.

- Later, she did so again when the Chaos left me to make sure I would not fall, though Rahvin was bound then.
- Lafey also attempted to speak reason in my favor.

* Lafey contributed both grand observation as events unfolded, as well as some excellent theories we will need to test.
* Phooka protected me a number of times, helped guide me, and helped me not to fall.

- He spoke reason in my favor as well, and was prepared for hostility.

* Phooka also gave some grand observations and theories for experimentation, and will be working on several devices.

* Sphae

- Helped defend me by words of reason and walls of stone.
- I am quite glad she was present as well, and gave some useful insight on the stone.

* Summary

- Rahvin sought to approach me with ill intent.
- The Chaos in me was unstable, so I teleported away as much as I could.
- All the while, there was shouting and anger. Rahvin was very upset that we broke into (apparently) her room, but would see absolutely no reason for it.
- At some point, the Chaos spiked, and I could no longer keep moving unless I wanted it to keep increasing. The In-Between held me tighter when I created a Bend, and could no longer teleport either, unless I wished to be lost. I sat and tried to calm the Chaos.
- Lafey and Phooka defended me.
- Abrecan shifted form to a bear to keep Rahvin from me.
- The Chaos left me, and [blot] all was gone.
- I woke to Lafey on top of me, Rafe asking questions, and Rahvin being.. strange.

* Rahvin

- She was sparking oddly. As she does not have much magical ability, this was quite unusual.
- I looked at her through the In-Between once it was determined it was safe enough.
- She was still tethered to the Stone
- There were more 'tendrils' from her reaching out, and grasping for magic in the air.
- She appeared to be starved for magic

- Note: By events afterward, it would appear that the stone has altered her typical process of energy gain; It now appears that she gains magic and nourishment from others, taking in their power and life force to herself, in which part of it is split between her and the stone. It is uncertain whether all tethered to the stone will become, in essence, 'parasites' for the stone itself.
- Note: I have not the slightest idea how this might affect me, should it be a gradual progression to this stage. My thoughts on the process are

1) The stone drains the target of life force and magic to the point that they are not able to sustain themselves,
2) A system of converting energy intake sets in (or perhaps just an additional method is presented),
3) The target becomes an extension of the stone, seeking out energy for it in a hungered frenzy while now having a way to sustain one's self.
4) Mental stability deteriorates the entire duration; reason becomes clouded to the point where energy intake is more important than any Choices one would make otherwise.
5) Beyond this point it unknown.

Due to this hypothetical trajectory, in my case, energy is not able to be drained from me in such a fashion; I will not run out of it. The Chaos will not leave me so long as I exist, it will not deplete. Thus, I will never be able to reach that 'desperation point'. Futhermore, due to my needed Balance, I cannot take more energy in without de-stablizing. And if the Chaos is destabilized to the point of being unable to reach me, then my body cannot function at all. [blot] So what will it do to me? Anything? Nothing? Will it simply use me as a conduit for Chaos energy until it can hold no more? I really don't know.

* Rahvin Attacked Rafe and Abrecan

- Rafe placed himself in front of myself and Lafey to defend us.
- Despite Phooka trying to forcefully urge him otherwise, he still [blot] let her have him.
- It seemed to drain the life and magic from him by her grasp.

- Note: It seems this 'draining' must be a conscious effort. She had fallen on Lafey previously, and it didn't seem to have such an effect on her. Or perhaps it requires skin contact, I was unable to see exactly from my vantage. If conscious, it backs up how the stone also affects the mind. If skin contact, it backs up the same methodology used in becoming tethered to the stone in the first place.
- Note: That makes me wonder if Rafe and Abrecan might now also be affected; if touching Rahvin is like touching the stone itself. I may need to look them over.

- After draining Rafe, Abrecan attempted to pry them apart.
- Rahvin drained him as well, however, she didn't drain life or magic from him so much as she drained the affects of his pill away. [blot]

- Note: This is unusual. Either the pill itself is some sort of magic-repressing-magic, however, still counts as 'magic' to the stone, or Rahvin was attempting to drain Abrecan of his 'mortal defenses', meaning that [blot]causing victims to be within inches of their life lost is somehow a virtue to the stone. This is theory alone, but it seems very odd that a norn with such vitality would have his defense against magic drained prior to his life force. Somehow this must have been more appealing to consume.

* Phooka incapacitated Rahvin.

- I thought a second-self might make an interesting distraction, however, Phooka got to her first and used some sort of solution to knock her out.
- The second self was not retained due to my instability.
- Rahvin was tied up and watched by Donari.

- Note: Again, this may support either conscious draining, or skin contact theory; I am uncertain if she was touched when being bound, though I think Donari touched her head at some points afterward, and did not appear drained. I will need to ask.

- Rafe and Abrecan were seen to.

* From here, I resumed the work started in the first place.

- Theories, Information, and Notes will continue on another page.

71, Scion, 1327

[blot]

I hardly know what to put here.

[a few more spots] We got it. We found the stone. As much as I am pleased, I also know I will likely find myself in more trouble, but [spot] I really don't care. I may find myself later evicted and cast out, but I still do not care. [blot] I feel what was done was right. And I will fight for my Choices.

As I will fight for their Choices unlost.

[blot]

I said before that I don't know what I will be left with if I leave. I suppose I don't know what I will be left with if I am cast out either. Likely the same things I had before I came. [a few more spots]

They are kind, and they are a family, and they are comfortable giving their lives for each other to hold. I am not. Though I have joined them, I [spot] do not fit. I still barely know them, and they barely know me. How can I be part of that? I doubt I fit. And I doubt I will be further welcome once this is done.

But that it is done is what is important.

They will keep to them what matters.

If a price must be paid, I am sure they'd prefer it be the one Unknown than their family.

[blot]

Now for thoughts and theories.

I wish to see if I can't disrupt, or attract the tether to something else of my likeness. I can create a foci, a link in crystal containment, to the In-Between; a place which has tempting amount of power, yet quite difficultly reached and converted. [blot] Of course, that may result in warping. The In-Between tends to try and... take what it claims. [spot]

Perhaps that isn't so wise.

Perhaps though, it may be better to find a source of power on Tyria? I would consider a portal to the Underworld, but what a mess that would be, a stone tethering to the souls there. If that isn't a disruption in the Rules and Balance, I am not sure what would be. So that should not... necessarily occur.

I should think, though, of ways other than redirection involving myself. [blot]

How to actually stop this. The stone itself draws energy, I wonder if there is a way to Bend the energy it draws in the process of its drawing that makes it unappealing enough to release. Something like 'tainting the supply'. We know that it repels Null Magic attempts. . . I wonder if it would be possible to, reverse the magic drained to the stone into something with nullifying magical properties before it reaches the Stone. If that may sever the connection? It is something I can replicate, certainly, but not for an extended amount of time, and not in all fronts. I am curious if Phooka could create such a device.. he spoke some in writing of reversing poles and negative fields. Might he be able to create a field around the stone which changes the energy that passes through it to something nullifying? If such a thing works, it may sever all ties at once.

Or, perhaps, it may be easier to create a device which might change the output of energy on a single person. [spot] This seems like it may be less dangerous; while it would render them magically inept while the device is worn, it would not, theoretically, alter the energy they output themselves, merely shift it before it escapes beyond themselves. In that case, I would not be adversely affected. So long as the Chaos flows through me, I am fine. If it were for a few moments that it flows through me, and escapes my body as Chaos, but something changes its general composure beyond there, it will not affect my ability to survive directly. [spot]

I'd like Lafey to look at the stone and see if it is stealing lifeforce, and from there, we can determine more ways to procede. Clearly it is connected to the soul, but it seems to drain life from humans. I wonder if it simply picks up on 'vital energy' and takes it, as the Chaos is.. [spot] close to such a thing for me.

Sphae could inspect it for ways it seems to react to the elements and forces of Tyria. It seems to have some.. [blot] well. I don't know, it, at times, looked to have a small flame in it. I wonder if it actually does? Might she be able to pick up on the sort of energy it holds? If it is really a stone at all, anything related to earth, or if it is some other sort of formation. She may be able to tell, and if it isn't of Tyria's natural forces, then perhaps it is a construction, and not what we've been led to think it is at all.

I would like to see if I can actually pick up on the Chaos it has taken in, if it is storing it, or converting it, or sending it elsewhere. It would take a particular bit of 'marked' Chaos to be taken, like a beacon in the energy tethered to the stone, and then watched through the Inbetween as to what happens to the energy the stone draws in, but it is possible. If we know where the energy goes, and what happens to it, that could give us further leads on preventing it altogether. I could only hope for my stability during such a process.

There is much more that can be done, but these sorts of things give us a place to start. I am not sure when that map will be found, but certainly for as long as it is searched for, experiments can be run on solutions.

70, Scion, 1327

I saw Lafey the other sun.

She called me out to the Secret place -[streak, spot]

She told me about where her life is, very subtly, and thought she may go with me somewhere to stay. It sounds as though that there is someone after her and the Neily, and that perhaps that troublesome doctor who left may return. She doesn't know what is happening, doesn't know if the one after them, a detective, perhaps is lying, or may want to lure them out to possibly kill them. ... Or was it another who may have wanted to kill them? Her words made it sound like it could have been that doctor, if taken differently.

[a few spots] I can tell that it worries her. She says she will figure it out, but she called for me and told me this; of course I want to help her. By the Winds, I will throw those trying to see her harmed to the In-Between if I must. [a few blots] Though I know that would cause a ripple effect, something that might only send more her way, so anything done of that sort needs to be careful. All possibilities accounted for as much as they could be. Unrelated connections would be a major factor, something too clearly with its own agenda to be string-connected to another. [spot]

But it was hard to think. Keeping the Chaos balanced now is like being in an ocean, trying to contain a whirlpool within my arms; it's so simple to get swept away, and it takes much of my focus to stay above the currents, nevermind try to keep the Chaos anywhere.

What am I if I cannot help or be there for the ones I love when they need me? What am I if I cannot be where I want to be?

But instead the ocean drained. She held me when the Chaos was kept from me, even through the returning storm. I felt her get colder, though I also felt my own warmth, as she remained. [a few spots] It was comforting, though.. I merely hope it simply was. A comforting 'was' in my temporary fading.

She went back with me to the Reach not long after, worried I should not go alone, and I gave her notes on the stone artifact then. She wishes to help me, and I would love her help, though [blot] I wish to help her too, and I hope she will allow me to if she wants it.

I wonder if she felt like this, feels like this. She spoke to me as though it is all too familiar, and I suppose it is, coming close to an earlier End, dealing with that which prevents the self from what could be a true potential. [a few spots] I feel I am so much less lately, and it is infuriating. I do not want to be that sort of weight on another, do not want to be something merely dragged around, potentially pitied, thought of as something 'unable' or 'non-viable' due to unwanted and unwelcome circumstance. I want to be able to do all I wish to do, all I am capable of doing, without having to tiptoe around this and how others may react to it. I hardly fit, and it causes me to fit less.

[blot]

I was glad to see her, though I want to be able to do what I can and what she hopes for. I was glad she stayed with me, but I don't want to be simpley an added burden thrown on the pile.

[spot]

I need to find a solution. And now is the time to start. No more waiting.