61, Phoenix, 1327

Once, I used to write my thoughts along with my memories. I've somewhat [blot] mushed the two together, it would seem, over the course of many suns. So for now, I am simply writing thoughts.

[a few spots]

Really, though, I suppose all thoughts are memories, aren't they? At least once they are recorded, because the moment they happen, that single moment, in that amount of time a thought can only be had, not actually kept. Once it is placed, even if it is very recent, it is still a memory, an echo of a thought already sorted out just a split second before.

It brings me to what I.. would like to find sometime. Somewhere to place memories that [spot] far exceeds simple writing. Because look how little is captured here! Books and the written thought are excellent in so many ways; one can choose what they wish to learn, when to stop, when to start again, instead of having it all forced upon them and considered as 'a truth'. With written words, one can choosetheir truths. Or discern them from many other words. However they fall short of experience. One will always interpret so much about what they are given, it is the self being.. the self. In any active experience, the self interprets it different than someone else would; so even there, there is something unseen to everyone. But an interpretation leaves something out that is not fully grasped when it starts to be focused on.

Words themselves leave so much more to interpretation than experience. One can read a simple string of words, and based on what they are thinking, come to endless possibilities. With an experience, there are many more things present to be agreed upon than there are with words alone and written. An experience comes with thoughts, feelings, all the things the senses find there, others themselves, places, a little piece of the world in a transient moment.

This is all to say that I wish to find a way to create, or to find, something to help me capture memories as experiences. Ways that the experience could be.. experienced once more as it was, for a more complete capture of the memory. Yet, I wish it to retain what is so grand about the written word; that the holder can choose what they would like or not. And something that the one who places the memories could keep secret from others if they so wished; not like the Dream and its [blot] whatever the brambles it does. I could go on about that for quite a while, the specifics of its manipulation, but I prefer not to.

[a few more spots] Perhaps.. if I do get to know them a bit better, perhaps I can ask the Jesters about this.If they know where such a thing is, where it may be 'procured', if it exists. And if not, if any among them may have theories. Though that leads me back around to before... I've not met any yet who were particularly interested in magic. I wonder if they would find one useful, or more [blot] taxing than anything.

[a large blot]
Studying the dimensional theories I had in mind around this would prove dangerous at best, especially for myself alone. As much as I don't like to admit it, but I also know that is not the only way. [a few more spots] Still, I will do what I must to see it through, even if there is some danger to it. [spot]

[blot]

I wonder if I could persist on theoreticals, experiments, and gaining knowledge until my end. I realized there was a bit of something to it, surely it is something I love, that excites me. But then I thought aboutwhy I am doing it, and.. things grew more [blot] well, back to how they have been. [spot] I wonder if I could create my own small dimensional space. A.. place for myself. Somewhere that I do fit. Where the relevance of what I am to anyone else is entirely non-existent. Because my uses have run thin, and [a few spots] I can't help but wonder if that's all I really am to anyone else now anyway.

I thought about what Lafey mentioned, as far as her blood magic. I don't know a whole lot about it; I'd skimmed through it some in the various books I'd read about other facets of necromancy, nevermind what I have actually seen from her and Ren before. I don't even know what she's working on, but maybe some sorts of little, set aside, 'containers' of power might.. help. At least, if her injury was from losing too much blood, or the effects thereafter of what power was used. I don't know, I [spot] I may write to her again.

I need to write to all of them. Or, well, I don't, but I suppose I would just like to, so they know.. what I am doing.. sort of. If they ever may wish to cross paths with me again. [blot]

Theoretical Notes and Thoughts: Blood Magic

Theoretical Notes and Thoughts

Blood Magic

* Note: I know little of this, and do not practice, but I had some thoughts when looking through various things I carried with me, and recalled what Lafey mentioned, both about being somewhat harmed by it and in experimenting with it.
* Considered the Bloodstone

- very powerful source of magic bound with blood.

* Considered then, potential of storing various magics in stones or crystals for later use.

- Bind them by blood.
- The necromancer may use the bind to control them with blood magic.
- Potentially amplify power without needing to harm self as much.

* Could have use in using less blood for more power, if such things are possible.

- Considering many crystals, gems, and stones, often amplify power.
- If blood magic can be added to them, perhaps they will amplify that magic, allowing for a greater store of power over time using less blood.
- Obviously need to be prepared ahead of time, but may be less draining than spilling so much blood on the spot; one could have a 'power reserve' more or less, that was less damaging.
- Vials of blood: would be the obvious alternative, but does absolutely nothing to mitigate the cost; thus, instead the stone/gem solution would be amplifying the smaller power from a smaller amount into something larger.
- Entirely theoretical; I am not a necromancer, nor am I fluid in workings of this magic, but I am familiar with imbuing items with power, and it seems to follow logically.

* Obvious problems

- The magic may simply not work that way. Though, logically, if necromancers are able to control their own blood, heal others' bones, and manipulate the life force and corpses of others, it would follow that they would still be able to amplify their blood magic somehow, and tap into it later, regardless of how 'freshly spilled' it is or not.
- It would take some time to accumulate, and need patience. I imagine such a thing would be useful for rituals that call for it, where one doesn't necessarily want to weaken themselves to great degree. Thus, preparation would be obvious.
- Unknown factors. These are always possible.

* Tentative Experimental Procedure

- Would need a number of gems or stones, as well as a 'control' of sorts to see the effects, and how or if this works.
- The necromancer would use their blood magic, and try to imbue the power to the object(s).
- Make sure it is sealed to them. (I would think if it weren't, yet manipulation was possible, that another necromancer may be able to use it, though.. I am not entirely certain.)
- See at a later time if power can be reclaimed and manipulated from the stones, or if they hold it themselves and it is irretrievable.
- See what greater numbers of imbued objects can do; theoretically, they would be more reserves to draw power from without immediately draining the necromancer. If a necromancer can draw power from them all at once, or only one at a time should be noted. If different vessels have different properties in the exchange, it should also be noted.

60 Phoenix, 1327

So I did as I had been thinking, last sun, and took the vessel oversea from Lion's Arch to the cliffs to find the Jesters' airship. The Bazaar was so incredibly intriguing! So much was there, a great many things that I wished to look at, but - [blot] I was not there for that, not yet anyway. It was difficult to turn away from everything, and even harder to pay it little mind; there was so much movement, and it was quite busy. But I have been waiting to see the festival with Sphae and maybe Suinidos, so I did not stop for any of it.

Instead, I tried to reach the highest place, and [blot] it seems it was the right thought to have~ I saw Zaree of many titles up top with a kite, and another man, Brotemus he called himself, there as well. Apparently they had just met, but Brotemus was looking to apply to the Jesters, as well as sell fireworks.[a few spots] His mannerisms reminded me a bit of Phooka, though he was certainly more eccentric, I think, and rather open about it. Where Phooka reminds me of a bright flame, there is still a slight, occasional calm to him that this man.. didn't seem to have at all. He was, though, apparently quite fond of explosions. Something that, at times, I cannot argue with in the least..~

[spot] This is a small diverging branch, but I must remember to update the page of human names, so as to not lose them forever if they ever need finding.

That branch aside, other Jesters, or.. former Jesters showed up. Talbous I believe his name was, a charr Lionguard who was a Jester once, was there. He seemed quiet for the most part, and a little troubled by his past endeavors, but he did help Zaree get her kite from being tangled, and seemed to know her fairly well. Abrecan came by as well, I think he was looking for gifts for Miss Lagertha. Much of the conversation became about bombs, and (not) exploding entire wagons with them. Or not exploding them unintentionally. It was actually quite amusing..~ Many of them did not seem.. overly pleased with the thought, though I suppose I [blot]

Well, it reminded me of something more pleasant, many suns ago when I did not feel so.. [blot] vacant, even though 'things exploding' is not necessarily the most desired outcome. . . In many cases, anyway.

[ a few more spots ]

Apparently Zaree is on a Hunt. She mentioned something to me about.. trying to find some secrets, yet having none, and I.. explained it may be difficult for her to carry any. It seems she has seen things from her Dream and.. [blot] it involved.. faces of sorts? That she was looking for? [a few more spots] She seemed troubled that she may not find them, if they were someone else's memory. Perhaps I should have explained better what I meant by what I said. It is not so much that they would be would be impossible to find if they were from another's memory, in fact, that leaves it still very likely they can be sought. A single person does not often go through their life without seeing another; even I, who.. am close to very few, have seen a great number of people. The memories of those people seen by other sylvari may have likely helped to show them to her, and they may very well still be found, if she thinks she must search for them.[a few blots] Death it not the only transference of knowledge for us, not really, I don't think. It is not so simple, but.. I am also not one to speak of Hunts. I wish those who.. have them to find what it is they seek, but in whatever I say about them, I can always be wrong. At the very least, though, perhaps... [spot]she has a bit more to consider when looking.

[another few blots] The others all left at about the same time, (I believe Brotemus jumped off a cliff, I wonder if he has rocket boots he created like Phooka had. . .) though Zaree stayed, and spoke with me a bit more about the Jesters. Apparently she did not need to apply with them; someone close to her was involved with them, and she traveled with them a number of times before Nik (who I really would like to meet, he sounds quite interesting and elusive) gave her.. a card. She showed me the card as well; it was rather grand, the Two of Feathers, she called it. It had a meaning specifically for her, which was that it showed how 'she liked doing new things, taking steps in new places' and was also 'innocent of bad things' which.. she seemed partial to. She called them 'Tarow' cards? I actually [a few blots] do not know if that is right, I know that there is something among humans relating to cards that are said to have power spelled 'Tarot', but there certainly wasn't a 't' at the end of what she said. Perhaps I will inquire later.

It seems though, that there are Arcana cards as well, which are held by Nik and Donari. They sound as though they are more powerful. [a few more spots] I am rather intrigued by this whole notion, that one gets such an object of power with meaning to the self when they are.. known. Though beyond those vague notions, I know little more about how this happens, or what it means.

It wasn't long after that she showed me the airship, and it was grand! It also, likely, was not a creature. There was quite a bit to see, to inspect, and to climb on (though I didn't actually climb anything until Zaree had gone. [blot] I probably really shouldn't have, with none other there, but [spot] Well, I only climbed where she had! I knew, at least in those spots, it was not [spot] going to harm anything.) I took notes on another page, as it was easier than holding this book open while looking about. Though all of it was.. certainly worth the trip.

[a few more spots]

I have written much, but I still have wandering thoughts. I [blot] Zaree seemed to think that I will meet others, that I will be seen again. And. . . will I really? I.. [spot] I may like to. It is strange to admit, and I.. I don't know what may or may not come from it, but they seem... interesting enough, and from what I have heard, do any number of interesting things. Certainly, they are able to go places I cannot with such a ship. [blot] Perhaps if I.. could go with them sometime, I may be able to find what I am searching for, whatever it may be. I [blot] Though I do not know why they would care to bring one such as myself anywhere. Oddly, few of them I have met seem to have much ability in the ways of true magic. . . I wonder if.. -[streak, blot; it seems the writer just trailed off here without finishing the thought]

59, Phoenix, 1327

[blot]

Lafey met with me the other sun. I.. [a few more spots] I don't know exactly what I feel, but I did feel. I [blot]I was glad to see her, I was glad that she came, that.. [blot] she let me know she was still there; the thought still brings me more than the hollowness I have been holding, but she.. it seems she is in a close place to what I am in as well. I do not know.. if anything I said was enough, but I don't think words alonecan be enough. They need something attached to them, more than the truth of the one speaking them. And as much as I might be able to give, and I would give all I could, I don't know if [blot] I could give her what she wishes. A meaning is something so powerful and important, I do not believe it can come from another alone; the self must be involved too. One speaks the way to an idea, and that idea can only be grasped by the self.. or so I believe. I can only stand with her if she wishes it, and will, but it is something she will have to find, to take and hold. To see in the words of others, or in words of her own.

[a few more spots] I do still love her very much.

I.. Part of me wishes I hadn't let her go. But I [spot] I knew she would want to go. She needs to find it, and whatever I am -[blot] I don't think anyone.. wouldn't wish to go.

I did see though, that.. at one point, at least, she [blot] she seemed to feel something too. [a few more spots] It seems such a small thing, a tiny little moment, and perhaps it is not the same for her at all, but to me, that such a moment was there, is.. it is almost like the most important thing right now. It makes me so angry that it has come to such a state, that a tiny moment of anything is so grand an ordeal. But with where we are now, it really is like a small, tiny safe place to stand among a turmolt, even if the feeling may not be the most desired; it is something. The way out is still possible, and that tiny moment gives a little proof, like a break in the long lasting clouds that shows a small sliver of sunlight; the sun is still there, but it can't yet come out in full. But it can come out. 

I wonder if she thinks it can. She spoke like she thinks she won't find what she wants, but this is no way for her. I don't think this is any way for either of us. We can be so much more, why not try all we can for the thing that will let what we are, what we wish, bloom most? [a few more spots] But there is always that fear. I suppose it's become hard for me to feel the fear as I once did. I am.. somewhat desperate for something, and I know it. Is she? I imagine it must be hard not to be, when feeling this way. Because if you aren't desperate, you're stagnant, and not moving at all.

[blot]

She said she might soon need assistance. I wonder if she'll come back. If I'll see her again. It.. doesn't matter the way it once did; I mean I still very much would like to see her, but now.. I feel I understand better what.. is happening. I understand what [blot] is most important. It didn't really change, but it makes more sense now. I.. just want her most to find what she wants; what would really matter and mean something to her. I [blot] I know I am little. Little more than something partially remembered, and now, just an almost empty pod. Once I was more, but it seems I can only be more for so long until it all trickles out.

[some tiny spots]

By the Winds, by the Chaos, by all her gods and the Rules themselves: Let us find what we seek to become more, however it is we will. But don't let our Choices end up empty so easily. We will keep moving, so let there be something out there to find.

57 Phoenix, 1327

An interesting meeting took place that should be given a place among my memories. Something [blot] I may as well follow.

As I mentioned in my previous notes, I met an interesting man, along with some of his interesting company, many of those who call themselves the Jesters. It was all somewhat strange, really. [a few spots]Most of my memories were somewhat captured with the notes, but I still can't help but think a great many things. The.. something I 'recalled' (yet spoke nothing of, of course) was.. different this time. Like an echo; it resembled my other strange... not-memories, but it was unusual, like the last one. From the mention of.. telling fortunes, I recalled a voice, [blot] Lafey's? But I really doubt that - perhaps it was one that sounded like her, bright colors, the crisp wind like I was up on a high place, things being knocked over like bottles, human laughter, and -[streak, blot] 

And something I really..[ink spot] something.. troubling I will not press farther to find. Overall, it's like a ripple, a remnant of something undiscernibly caused. . . but feels more solid somehow. Like grasping a blade of grass instead of the heavy foggy air. [a few more spots] I wonder if I should return sometime to Lafey's home and that experiment, bring it up to Nenia and Will, at least, who seem to have the same problems.. and see if they may be curious of what I may find.

Beyond the completely.. vague words of what I may have felt, there was more than just that which caught my interest.

Perhaps [blot] this is my chance at what I'm looking for. Or, at the very least, something that may bring me closer. There is no way I am going to pass up the opportunity given, especially since I was curious of the Bazaar anyway. [a few spots] I do not know if I'll head there, to the Zephyrites' cliffside, first with Sphae, or to see this airship, but she has not gotten back to me yet, and I do not know how long the ship will remain there. It may be wise to head there soon.. perhaps next sun? I'll need to make sure I do not get myself lost, though heading up should be easy enough; I will simply find the highest place, and I shall, hopefully, be able to see it from there. [a few more spots]

I suppose it isn't that odd that I have never heard of them either. Or it may be... I cannot tell anymore. I have been traveling for a long while, but I have not.. [blot] stayed anywhere long, nor associated with many either. Would they be so known to be mentioned? [blot] I suppose it doesn't matter, I'll learn more soon, I hope. They do seem rather interesting, at the very least, and I do not seem to disagree with their methods, at least what I have been told. [a few more spots] It is not as though they ask anything of me either, perhaps I will never see them again after this. This is merely an idle curiosity to see what.. their ship is like, I suppose.

They were kind, though I suppose that sounds to be their way. I should not [blot] put too much... expectation in anything, as much as I am looking for.. something to shift this hollowness. [spot] But I also cannot be blind to what is right in front of me.

[blot]

At the very least, I was glad to have met them. I learned some things. And apparently, I may have helped shift some more dismal thoughts Donari was having to something more favorable in.. such a place of ruin. If it is to be a small, yet fleeting moment, a single leaf and not a branch at all, it was a moment well spent.

Notes: The Jesters and their Acquired Airship

* Location
- Zephyr Bazaar
- Upper levels

* Invitation
- Note that 'Donari extended the invitation'
- Ask for 'Nik'.

* Description
- A purple and green vessel
- Apparently those are the colors of the Jesters
- Donari favors green, apparently Nik favors purple.

[ The following writing seems to have been taken down at a latter time and in less haste than the previous notations.]

* The Jesters
- 'Premier adventurers of Tyria'.
- Apparently get themselves into a number of messes.

- Swimming in caves with traps.
- Fighting dragons with bad, green breath that attack the ship. (I cannot help but wonder what, by the Winds, they are doing flying near dragons, though I can't help but be curious.)
- Sometimes have parties.
- "Escorts and finders."
- Enjoy a challenge.
- Are not hired to assassinate.
- Self defense is noted differently.
- Instead, claim to wish the other side just as happy about the encounter; seek more allies over enemies.

- Note: I think this is very wise and an interesting negotiation. It retains Choice, as well as being smart, keeping them in a favorable place without the lingering prospect of being hunted down; I've not seen many keep this approach, and by the Chaos itself, am I ever sick of being hunted. It'd be interesting to see how this is managed. . .

- Will explore ruins, fancy houses, whatever is their goal.

- Also apparently give other Jesters certain 'card suits' and Arcana.
- Note: I am still not entirely certain of what this refers, though it was connected to fortune telling, and sounds to be important.

* About Finders
- Managed to find an entire airship.

- Was 'a poor thing, trapped in a cave by Aetherblades'.
- Note: By description, I wonder if it had some amount of sentience as well. Should I visit, I might have to see.
- Zaree says it is better, and that she also gave it nice colors.
- Nik wanted one. Donari found a place where one was kept, so.. they "infiltrated and departed."
- Note: I appreciate this reasoning and action.
- Nik apparently has piloting that is.. questionable.

- Be wary of tangling. If I see it, remember to stay away from things that might interest the tendrils. Tangling is terrible.

* Donari Mal di Bette
- Human with 4 names that are actually 3; he says di Bette is one.
- Had a second home in Lion's Arch.
- Claimed to be there when it was attacked.
- Raspy voice; I wonder if it is the miasma. I have heard there are still lingering effects. . .
- Said he once would have been surprised at being unknown.
- Has a number of other names.

- One such name was The Sun; still goes by it.
- The Sun is his 'card' in the troupe.

- Spoke of his Fool, and how he uses the cards much better; that he should be asked about them.

- [blot] Claimed that the Fool's fortunes are seldom wrong. Intriguing, though I do not know how predictable life really is.
- Note: I had some sort of strange.. feeling, like a recollection, when he was speaking of troupes, telling fortunes, and gave a small demonstration of what a teller of them may say. Something about it seemed.. familiar; I really must see if anything can be done about that, even if Lafey is not about. Perhaps [blot] I will go to her home again, and see if I can't figure out the proponents of that experimental problem myself sometime. Though I may ask the others to come with me, if they wanted.

- Mistook Choice for lack-thereof.
- Apparently is a lover of many people, or so it sounded like. And this is why he thought it possibly surprising that I didn't know him. How odd, that he would not remember himself those he loved... I wonder if he also forgets often.
- Also apparently a 'matchmaker'.
- Note: Apparently this is one who seeks women for others' arms, and not a maker of matches used for flame. Humans are strange.
- Knows how to juggle flames while sleeping, though I've yet to see it in truth.

Miss Lagertha
- Norn
- Seems intelligent with a nice sense of humor.
- Protests against complements.
- Apparently not one of the Jesters.
- Close with Abrecan

Abrecan
- Norn
- "strong man, and a handy one, and part of the troupe." according to Donari.
- Also seems thoughtful and kind.
- Changes colors often.
- Apparently likes his cannons.
- Last was heading to the jungle with Miss Lagertha.

Zaree of the Youthful Exuberence and Colorful Paints as well as Two of Feathers
- Sylvari
- Has a second mother; apparently a human adopted her.
- Apparently again, one can have more than one mother, something I did not know.
- Has ranger magic.
- Not Soundless.
- Very excitable and seems eager to learn.
- Also a Jester.