41 Phoenix, 1327

[a splatter-like blot]

Thorns.  Thorns.

Why does this continue to happen?  I am a terrible protector, but at the very least, I suppose I am not considered as one to begin with.  It seemed.. there was little that we could have done.  If we went at all, I think the end result would have been the same, whether I had casted or not.  I.. know that, by all consideration, I.. [spot] should not blame myself for it.  At least.. [blot] none of us were hurt.  At.. [spot] least it was not like the first time.

But regardless, this is the second time.  The second, brambleous time that we have been deceived this way.  Is it really so commonplace among humans for this to happen?  How, by the raging Winds do they trust these people by their word?  I cannot [spot] Ugh.

I am so angry that we continue to be dragged into these messes.  We are dragged, yet we can do nothing for it, because it is not our matter to deal with now.  I suppose, though, it could be even worse if we were involved.  It seems one of their.. [blot] associates got taken.  I.. [blot]

I should record this memory properly.

Nenia received a letter from this.. Cera Corvi human, a Seraph, whom Ren is acquainted.  It was requesting to meet at a location, some lodge, in order for a 'situation to be explained'.  She was one of the ones who was there when the ambush at the Quay happened.  I cannot say I was very pleased with any of that either, though I suppose it was good and fortunate they were there when it was attacked.

[a few more blots]

We spoke to Ren about the letter.  There was some skepticism, but we decided to go anyway.  In.. addition, Ren told me about the ones who attacked Nenia.  I.. [spot] at least have a vague idea of what to look for now, should I be out and chance see one who is similar, though I should ask a few more questions at some point.

Anyway, we went.  We noted that the lodge looked largely abandoned, and I was quite skeptical.  I thusly suggested that we inspect the place under stealth, as it appeared there were none others present yet.  It was agreed upon, and I began to conceal us, however [blot] some sort of wards had been placed around the area, and I believe my casting set them off.  There was a burst, and everything grew difficult to discern; it was so incredibly disorienting, I could barely stand straight, or at all, nevermind, do much of anything when.. I don't know, it felt like we were dragged.  Maybe..?  That would make sense, though, considering.. well, at least where I ended up.

Locked in this room.  There were no others in it, and no other plausible ways out.  When I regained root of my own body, I found little in the room, and that my staff had been taken.  ... Little in the room but sheeted beds, and some furniture with.. more sheets in them.  So I coaxed a sheet to something more rope-like, that I intended to .. use, should any enter my room.  I waited for a long while, once I had set up a place of ambush, though.. the one who entered instead was Nenia.  She.. came back for me.  And not long later, Lafey.  They seemed unhurt, apparently most of what had gone on had occurred downstairs.  I.. [blot]

I do not at all like being held in one place against my Choice.  And I was just so upset that they had been dragged into this.  Dragged into more from this.  It was never what they wanted, and while they did make the choice to come here as I did.. [spot] I don't know.  The whole thing was.. frustrating, though it could have been so much worse.  Lafey said that some killer had locked us away.  And that she set a norn on fire.  Cera did not send that letter.  Apparently most else was taken care of, though the seraph's companion had been.. taken, by some asuran device it sounds like.

[blot]  It was difficult to believe that none remained.  It  sounded like there were many, from Nenia and Lafey's descriptions, but when we went downstairs, there was no one.  I.. [blot]  I was very ready still to deal with anyone who may have remained and tried to stop us from leaving.  But I never see them.  It.. [spot]  it was not as bad as the first time.  But I.. was expecting it may be.

I did not want anyone else to have to go through that again.

[a large blot]

I'd.. have liked to ask Lafey to stay with us, if she wished, though I.. was not quick enough in gathering my thoughts.  I don't know if she would have.  She touched my arm when we were outside.  I wonder if she felt the same way.  She.. can still manage to calm me, it was only some, but.. [blot] I am so upset that she was taken as well, but I am glad for her.. letting me know she is there, even though it was just a small moment.  I hope these things will stop following us.

I wonder if they will ever stop following us.

Notes on Attackers

• Woman
• Shooter
• Dark hair
• Dark skin
• Likely Elonian heritage
• Thus human
• Orange and purple clothing
• Long coat
• Arsenal of explosives
• Skills
• Capable sniper
• Likely skilled with other firearms
• Man
• Completely clad in armor
• tinted blue
• unlikely to be unique
• Sword + Shield
• potentially Asuran
  
• Later Notes
• Should have asked how tall they were
• general build (if discernible)
• probably can ask later.
  
  

A Collection of Letters

[ There are several letters folded into these pages. They don't all appear to be from recently, rather, just letters collected over time placed between these pages for their own sake. ]

The first group of letters...

*Written in that familiar cramped and hurried script, of someone who appears to be more like slashing the paper with ink then forming letters. Reads as follows*

Xsaiavlairnn,

I am glad to hear you are well, despite the mishap at the Quay, I admit it nearly drove me back but I now that you can handle yourself well enough. That doesn't mean I don't worry, and my heart doesn't drop to my heels when I hear that you may be in danger. *blot. scratch* but then again, living is dangerous isn't it. It doesn't suprise me that the it was ransacked it seems every place that I have been. *inkpuddle* It seems to solidify my choice to join the Priory.

Thankfully, I removed both the book and the amulet from the lab, as well as most of my, *blot.blot* sensitive materiels. The Priory was quite handy in that regard, allowing me an easy way to move such items into their repository. In fact I am leading the researching on the amulet, it has led us mostly into the depths of Sparkfly Fen, *scratch* I think because the Musaatt were said to reside there. *blot* They have far more knowledgeable scholars in dwarven artifacts to take care of the book itself. *blot* but I have been able to keep updated.

It is difficult and refreshing to work with other scholars, their goals however are. *blot* a little to aultristic for me at times. But do not tell the magistrates I said so. Perhaps it would be good for me to learn that experimentation should be done with the results in mind. *scratch.inkdot.inkdot* That I should think of why to do something rather then doing it because I can.

I do not think I will see the Quay for some time. *inkdot.inkdot.inkdot* but I appericate the warning, or caution.

I was over joyed to receive the letter, though some of the mesmers of the Priory were quite curious about your wards, I did not allow them to touch the bird however. *blot* much to their dismay and was grateful when they dissipated at my touch. It seems I have been gone already ages from you, but the hollowness is so new, as if I only left yesterday. I hold our moments together like small, precious pearls, in my mind and heart. And I remind myself that they are not the last, and so.. I will remind you as well.

You say the 23rd? I shall have to send you something particularly excellent then, it is not much time and it may arrive late. Which ever day you decide you awakened, is the best day, for you've made my world a better place by awakening into this one. *blot**splotch*

Perhaps I could help, if nothing else serve as someone to test ideas through pen and paper and discourse, in regards to your experiments. Even if it is merely a set of eyeballs to read or your words *blot* though my advice may not always be ...worth following. Still feel free to use me as a drafting board if you wish. As for the Reach, I believe we all get lost there. *blot* even some of its own denizens seem to wander around aimlessly though this may be by choice.

Ah I believe I have exhausted my ink now, *splotch* and I am certain you ahve more important things to do then read my ink mess. My thoughts are with you, in some part, always. I miss your warmth and laughter and your silence.

Yours,
Phooka

*The bottom corner of the letter has some strange device etched on it, some repeating rifle with a kind of large drum attached to it, it's faded and much worn. There is also, a heart and on close inspection one can see it drawn from tiny gears.*

 A single, black page...



The next group of letters...








The last group of letters...

[The paragraphs have dried at different times, like he had to start and stop often, and some of the writing is a little rushed.]

Dear Xsaia,

You're very clever, you know, or perhaps I am merely very simple. Those are wonderful suggestions! My illusions are usually very basic, I've never translated enough of myself into them that I could use them as senses or conversation. You won't mind if I want to practice some with you, will you, when you are free? I would like to ask some questions about it.

I tried to duplicate the ward you placed on the letter. There is nothing private in here, I mean, I just wanted to try. I may ask how it went!

..

I think perhaps I am not such an easy person to gift, at least with items. I. don't tend to want much for myself. But I appreciate your helping me learn, and grow, and that is gift enough. And the thought that you would want to give me something makes me very happy.

I would not say it is your fault, but. I suppose, presuming you did want to ask, I do like books of all sorts, but especially magic and history and fictional tales. And if you ever find a stone that would make for lovely jewelry, I would like to turn it into something! And I like

.

I am terribly sentimental.

Thank you for the ideas. I'm sure I would not have thought about many of them otherwise! I believe some of these I will practice with until we meet again.

Take care as well.

Love,
Syrlya

Also this vine is very pretty!

________

Dear Xsaia,

Worry not if you are busy, I am finding myself quite occupied as well! I would still like to meet with you, of course, but I imagine I can ask what I wish to know here, and perhaps I can take my practice even further before we meet again!

Are Lafey and Renswerth busy? They seemed to be, last that I saw. Is your research a secret? I hope it is going well for you, let them know I hope their business is going the same, should you see them before I do.

I was quite curious about the method in which your illusions seem to act so independently. Is it a result of holding onto chaos energy very loosely, so that it might function on its own, or are you simply so good at not having to focus on them in order for them to maintain and act?

How do their senses work, when you for instance have them look at your back? Do you translate your own senses into the illusion? Is it tied to you, or simply energy you bend in order to give it a voice to what it can react to?

What is the range in which you can venture an illusion from you?


I have read a lot about wards, so I recognized the detection, but with little actual practice to go along. You put some sort of blurring on the letter as well? I could figure out the illusion, but not how it would be broken just yet. There is something else I am still trying to figure out. When I do, you'll know, I'll put it on a letter!

The one I placed was mostly sensitive to the intense gathering of your magic, but I think this one is a little more particular to your frequency? Is it a little better, do you think?

I will see about paying you a visit in the next day or so if you do not mind. I will have some business out that way anyway. Don't worry if you are not around, I will leave word.

I hope that the things on your mind go well.

Love,
Syrlya

38 Phoenix, 1327

Last sun was actually somewhat more [blot] refreshing.  In a way I did not actually expect, which made it even more grand.

I had found a high place to take my Silence by the flowing stream along the Reach.  It only confirmed what I had been wondering, that.. [blot] I must find something for myself.  Even if it is a path I create, or something I chase, there must be something more than running to a towering cliffside, and finding the best way to fall, when it comes time to go over.  That cannot be what my life is for, and I won't let it be.  There is far too much out there to learn for that.  And while I will certainly look, I need something greater.

From my Silence, I came to, and thought I saw something peculiar down the actual cliffside I was at, by the water.  I couldn't make it out then, it looked much like the rushing currents close by, but I knew that it wasn't.  Though as I stood to get a closer look, I saw something else that [blot] took hold of.. my attention in the other direction.

She.. [blot, a few spots]  she looked so familiar.  So incredibly familiar, I.. [blot]  I got that feeling again.  It was strong, but [blots]  different.  It was both frightening and exciting, but... overwhelming.  And yet, I didn't want to seem so strange upon meeting, I didn't ask if we knew each other, it was.. [blot]  so familiar, but different.

[a few more spots]

Sphae was what she wished me to call her.  A brilliantly white and sunlight orange dappled sylvari, who was calm, yet curious and subtly playful as a soft breeze.  She seemed very wise as well, I.. [blot] was surprised, really.  I have not.. met another sylvari quite like that in some time, it was, as they say, a 'breath of fresh air' to be able to speak so freely and be understood by another.  Who in turn, would speak just so to me.  She seemed strong as well, there was very much the air of more than can be seen beneath her calm grin, and.. [spot]  I would like to know her better, if I should ever get the chance.

She is an elementalist, and a wanderer, like myself it seems.  She.. shared my notions of the Grove as well, though does not avoid it so as I do.  She also said she.. liked my calm.  I wonder if she is Soundless, or inclined that way.  [a few blots]  If she was, it would certainly explain our getting along well..~  Though, of course it is possible to find one who is not, and still get along just fine.  Whatever her inclinations, she was quite interesting company.

She was curious about the bats along the hillside, so we both climbed our way up to see if we could find a cave at their source.  We did~  It was where the falls were coming from, though she did not wish to part the waves and disturb the inhabitants.  She did, however, help me step into the water and not be swept away by the strong currents, so we might see it up closer~  It was a grand sight, much better from close, and.. she was right.  Powerful and beautiful in its own right, while its own currents showed how a single thing can be so much more than what it might first appear.

We couldn't get up the hillside further, which was disappointing, but [blot]  I saw the strange thing I had noticed earlier in a different spot along the river.  Upon closer look, it was Calaidhe.  He seemed somewhat surprised to see me, though.. [blot]  We didn't actually speak long.   He seemed to be stuck, as though he was in a place that was similar to my own when we met.  So I fought with him.  I thought.. I should return the 'favor'.  Even though I could have been wrong, he seemed eager to anyway.

He didn't stay long after, and Sphae did not either.  I was glad to have met her, though I imagine it was somewhat of an odd meeting.  Perhaps the Winds will be kind enough to cross our paths again.

34 Phoenix, 1327

I can only hope I am not too... taxing, boring, or overwhelming a teacher.

Nenia has been with me fairly often recently, though I have been staying with her, and [blot] I suppose that follows.  I have begun to teach her staff fighting.  And.. [blot] it is interesting.  It's quite different than teaching magic or Soundlessness.  I find myself both excited and worried, that perhaps I am not doing this well, perhaps I am moving too quickly. I [spot] have a tendency to get excited and move too quickly.

She was doing quite well though!  While we have only just begun, she does listen closely, and tries to follow by example carefully.  I hope she is practicing.  The way to fight well is not so much in the mind, but in the body, and the way to place it in the body is to grow it as a reaction without thought.  Practice helps with this.  Perhaps it's something I should speak of next time.

For my own memory, I have taught her the importance of sliding one's hands, a basic hold, and a basic fighting stance.  As well as a defensive strike to the head from both sides.  [blot]  I wonder if I should name the strikes.  Names are important, but I don't know if there are any they already have.  [a few more spots]  I'll need to think about it.  Perhaps.. [blot] a pinwheel strike.  I have seen those, pinwheels, before in the Reach.  I asked about them to learn their name, as they looked to be little spinning flowers.  The spinning one must do above one's head, in order to strike from the other side reflects the pinwheel. . .  I do not know if it's a good name, but it's one better than 'the defensive strike where you spin the staff above your head'.  [spot]  Should we train again, I'll tell her.

[blot]

I still wish to speak with Ren.  Once I do... I'll know what else I should be looking for.  I also saw Syr, and mentioned to him where I was, should he also wish to practice.  [a few spots]  Perhaps, if I can't speak with Ren soon, I'll take Nenia and I out to research by the castle with spirits.  I feel I've stalled, and.. I don't care for that much.  [a few more blots]

I should also place my notes from Phooka, and the others here.  I've been keeping them close, but they would be safer in these wards, and perhaps [blot] more comfortable with my memories. [a few more blots]

My mind wanders all over while also being a dull numb, almost like a half frozen pond, lapping up against the earth.  It ripples, but seems so strangely stagnant, despite it being an ever-changing thing.  I [spot] have lost quite a bit.  And perhaps it won't stay like this, but part of me.. [spot] wouldn't doubt if it will.  I need to find something to place myself towards, because the study of an alternate Ending is not good enough.

33 Phoenix, 1327

[blot]

I should be better at keeping my memories.

We left the mansion late last sun.  Nenia and I.  I would still like to [blot] speak with Ren about... the ones that attacked her.  He cannot be eyes and ears in all places, not even between the three of them.  If I should continue to travel, and catch sight of one of those who attacked her. . .  If they know so little about who they are, perhaps I could learn more for them.  Will did once say my report was.. very thorough when a number of us went scouting.  [blot]

They'd not really have to deal with me either, if they'd rather not.  I don't know if they keep documents, notes, anything, but I could spell those all well enough that it would take incredible work to break, and if broken, then the documents themselves could be unusuable.  [blot]  Since they seem worried about it falling to other eyes.  Or trigger something so they are aware. [a few more blots]

I don't know.  There is always more to learn, but.. [spot] I would just like to help deal with those who hurt our friends somehow.  And know what not to hinder.

[blot]

Lafey came by last sun.  Only for a little while.  I.. was glad to see her, but I am still so worried.  She is not fine despite her words, and her lies don't really fool either of us.  Nenia says she will write to her.  I.. [blot] do not know what else to do for her.  She came to us, yet.. she really gave us no time to.. [spot]  I suppose, perhaps, she really did not care to be near long.  At the very least she.. [a few more blots] did not seem as.. angry as she did last time.

[spot]

I am staying with Nenia for now.  She allowed me a bed of my own, and it is a strange thing to have one to myself, and when I am not hurt.  I like it... but I miss Lafey and.. Phooka being there with me.  I didn't really.. [blot] sleep in Lafey's bed much for the days she was not there.  It was hers, and felt.. [blot]  odd without her.  But now I have one to myself.  It doesn't actually have my name on it either, though it would be odd for others to refer to a bed by my name.  We might get confused~

Since I am with Nenia, I am considering starting to train her in staff fighting soon.  It will be interesting to say it least, and I am curious how she may take to it.  I think it may be a little slow at first.  I will have to show her the basics, how to move, how to stand, how to hold the weapon, and all the different ways to do so.  And for why.  As well as note the different sorts of staves, and how they can be used as well.  I wonder what sort she has.  But I hope she will find it useful, or enjoyable.

[a few more blots]  She did help me more than she knows.  I [spot] and she wanted to be my friend.  Which is very important.  Even.. [blot] even now, when I am most unwanted.  I hope I do not fall away from her too.  I.. was worried, if [spot] if I should ever have any more friends, because.. well, it just did not seem like something that was for me, given how I have lost all those who Knew me most somehow.

[some tiny tapping spots]

I need to look at what's there, in front of me.  Not too far ahead, not be stuck behind.

31, Phoenix 1327

[blot]

I feel I am at a great loss.  And yet [spot] I feel that is hardly how it should be.

Everything that I wished for is null if it is not wanted.  It should be no surprise that all has shifted, that it seems to be happening again ; perhaps that is just how things occur.  I think I have lost my light to her too.  Perhaps everyone loses sight of each other, perhaps it is something entirely not what it seems, or [blot]  perhaps it is myself.  That I am not... what I started to think I was to any of them.  Not so important, not something that one wishes to speak Secrets to, nor hear Secrets from, not someone who can be a light in the darkness, not brilliant or bright, or.. anything.  Maybe I am, but maybe I am not.  I did try to be there for her, whatever I am.  I think I was there more than I was for Ren, at least.  [a few more spots]

None of it matters  No, it matters to me.  It matters to me so much.  But perhaps only to me.  I never regret having been there every time I was, all the memories I have with them, all I hope I did to make their lives just a little brighter for a mere moment, all the lopsided smiles, heel-rocking grins and huffs, the changing of colors, and the vastness of what they gave me.  What is most important is that they find what they wish, that they are happy, that they can live lives as they are with their own choices that they care for.  I will.. [blot]  be there as long as I am still existing.  If they did ever care to.. consider seeing me again, if that would bring them any warmth.  I'd still like to take them to many places, and show them many things, both of interest and to learn from.  Though even that-[streak, blot] Perhaps now would be a good time, if they are going to, to be far from me.  To be ready for if it [blot] pulls me too far and I don't come out.  So it won't matter to them either.

I wish I knew what happened.  So I could understand if I made any more foolish mistakes.  I would have loved to [blot] help her.  To help him too, but.. I don't know if they want any of that from me.

Part wishes to run, but it is the part that says 'there is nothing for you here', which I do not even know if that is true.  I still don't want to.  I don't want to run, but what is there to stay for?  To Ren and Will I feel I am a barely tolerated presence, and [blot]  do not care to be in their way, if I can help it.  I'd have liked to try and be more stubborn with Ren, but I catch myself with divergent thoughts.  Would it really be fair to him, even if we do become close again by some will of the Winds, that I do, and then I am taken?  I.. don't think it would be.  Perhaps I will just write to him, explain, and [spot] do as I will, should I leave without speaking.

  I .. [blot]  could stay with Nenia for a while, but.  [a few more blots]  She seems like she doesn't wish or care for that now, and that she may stay with the other two.  I hope she doesn't need to feel vulnerable anymore, I hope, perhaps, Will and Alicia can teach her what she would like to know.  [some more blots]

She says that it doesn't have to be inevitable for me to be alone, but perhaps.. [spot] that is the better option.  I suppose I am learning.  If this is... just a cycle, it seems so.. [blot] hurtful.  But I am the one who is foolish.  What a foolish thing to think, that anyone would ever [streak, a few small spots]

[blot]

And then there is also Androsace.  I feel the two of us are... or were, in a similar place.  I don't know if either of us know where to go.  I don't think either of us feel very.. trusted.  I am starting not to know if I trust myself, like she said she felt; [blot]  how can I give up my Choices so easily?  So futilely?  It is terrible, disturbing even.  But what can I do?  I told her that she was important because she was herself, and she said she didn't know what she wanted.  What I want is something that I do not have control over.  What I want for myself. . . [blot]  is to learn.  [a few more spots]  If I can make a place for myself, would I find a way to quell this feeling?  Is the feeling what is.. [blot] in the way of it all?  Am I expecting something?  I shouldn't.  I shouldn't expect anything.

[a few more spots]

There is a part of me that just wants to give until I burn out.  Because I.. I think it might be soon, much sooner than I expected, though I could be wrong.  And there is a part of me that does not want to think I will let my Choices go so easily.  Perhaps it is not what I think it is.  [blot]  Then the question arises; what would I even do with so much Choice now?  I wanted to learn everything, I wanted to catch up, to bend The Rules once I knew them.  [spot]  But it seems, once you are not alone, it always comes back to others.  I try to hold on, but it seems I cannot.  Do I fight?  What do I fight?  For them?  Myself?  Both?  Do they even want it?

[blot]

This is such a mess that I cannot answer.  I need [blot]  something more than just to [a few more spots]  Thorns.  [there is a splatter of ink here]