13, Phoenix, 1327

The Knights Arcanus and Academia were disbanded earlier this sun.

They were said to be repurposed, and perhaps so, for some, but for many, I think that was that.  [blot]

It was strange.  I was between very near upset, and also [blot] I am not even sure.  Full of Chaos.  But I knew I could not stay there, in that room, and I knew it would be.. what I would wish more to walk away. [spot]  So that is what I did.  I let be known I would be back for Phooka, but I just could not stay.  Lafey wandered.  Ren did as well.  I stayed with Nenia and Androsace came with us for a time.

Androsace thinks she might become a bounty hunter.  I think she would be quite good at it, if it's what she wishes.  And she [spot] she mentioned to me that.... I.. might join.. [blot]  the [there are a few splotches here, and the next word seems to be written more messily, and with difficulty] Whispers [a few spots] . Even now it-  It is so [spot]  it does something to think of them.  It's strange, and I don't [blot]  Just considering being [spot, smear]

It's troubling.  It's odd and troubling, this time is different.  I don't know why- Nenia said she has been having these moments, humans call them 'dejavu', where she thinks she remembers something but doesn't know if she knows it.  And that it doesn't happen often, but it has been happening a lot to her lately.  I told her about.. [blot] my memory.  That I have lost much, I am behind, and that sometimes.. I get these.. moments.  Where I feel like I remember something, know how to do something, that I cannot place from anywhere else.  And that this time was different.  She seemed concerned, though I.. I am also concerned for her.  She seems like she may want to remember, to chase this and find what it is that is happening, while I - [spot]  I am too afraid to chase any of it.  If it is what I think it is, then it may be better for me to leave it be.

But with her, there may be something more to it.  I don't chase because I think I will find something.  If she chases, perhaps she will find what she seeks.

We both tried to think of a time when perhaps this could've started.  She mentioned.. an accident.. or something that may have stuck out as when this could've happened.  I really did not know, but had recently looked over my memories and noted that [blot] incident where I lost track of time.  After we gathered at Lafey's for that experiment.  It was the only 'accident' I could think of where the two of us were notably and relatively unexplicably disoriented.  Because I lost time, I don't know what happened for a few days... Perhaps.. something had?

She began to consider this as well, agreeing that it certainly was an accident.. And we spoke about talking to the others.  To see if perhaps, they are having these strange moments as well.  I had some, I have been having more than usual lately; the orb, the-[splot streak, blot] what Androsace said.  And Nenia.. Thank her gods and the winds that it is not the same for her as it is for me, though.. I cannot expect it to be.  It is..  something we will need to ask the others, though, if we wish to figure it out.

Phooka found us by some trace of the breezes, after Androsace had gone.  I was glad to see him, and that he had found us from my vague mention.  He.. sat with us for a time.  Nenia was mostly quiet then, listening to the winds as she does, but I was pleased enough to speak with Phooka.  He hasn't yet tried animating the gift Lafey gave him, but he didn't want to break it, and said he was understandably tired lately.  I'd mentioned that.. at least now he should have more time to rest.  Phooka had also not.. yet learned the Silence himself, which- well, I hope I will be able to teach him soon.  It is certainly important to know, especially since he is now back, either legs in, or treading those currents of his.  It'd be grand to pull him out, and allow him to remain out.  [blot]  At least if he so chooses.

[spot]  We spoke of selfishness, and how we all deserve it.  I wonder, selfishly, if he will ever feel as I do about the Dream.  I.. [blot] I don't know if he would.  Though it would take him standing free of it entirely to tell further, but.. [spot].  He seemed to used to find comfort in it.  And I.. [blot] I don't know that I ever fully did.  Or could.  [a few more blots]  I want him to make his own Choices most of all, to be who he wishes, and that would be the most excellent.  There are times though, that I also, less than that, would like him to be one I can tell my Secrets to.  That is a selfish thing, something that should not be unless it aligns with the Choices he wishes to make.  Because it is due to my own Choices that it is so in the first place, that I cannot speak of them to those who will.. [blot] someday return to the Dream.

But all of that is a bit of a diverging branch.  I didn't bring that up then.  And Lafey came to join us for a little while not long after, though Phooka had to go take care of something shortly.  And Lafey did as well.  I stayed with Nenia and we spoke more about.. what I'd already written.

[blot]

I think we'll figure it out.