41 Scion, 1327

Finally~

That is a word that comes to mind about how I felt this previous sun, though never an expectation, it was [blot]  I am simply so glad to have seen Lafey again.  She reminds me of what I Choose to live for, at times.  With her I find a place to breathe like something that fits could, to be, to exist with little worry. [blot] Often without having, or even wanting, to hide.  I would like her to be the holder of my Secrets, someday.  When I lose track of what's in front of me, seeing her is far better than any run.  I can only ever hope that I might bring her some fragment of that, that she can feel such a way herself, even if not by my presence, but somewhere.  She gives me, simply by her being, something I never knew on my own, and [blot]

I really do love her.

And I love what she finds, and chooses to show me~

That letter, she wished to show me a Secret place of hers, and it was so grand!  I am still here as I write, I have decided to stay, to make it a small place that might hold me for the tiny time of rest.  I told her about how I used to travel, and the Choice of a place to remain, to come back to for a little while, before heading onwards again.  She suggested that here be such a place, and it is perfect~

Though I [blot] am not a thing that fits, I feel when I am with her, that I fit best.

We spoke of many things, and gave each other Secrets when we met.  She was surprised to see me changed, though I believe my leaves met her mussing approval for now, and before long we traveled further within Ascalon to these exquisite ruins~  Thorns, I wish I could remember the way, Ascalon is such an unfamiliar place for me, as if I was not bad enough at directions.

There are creatures, trees, a waterfall, ruins of course, and it is in a small, secluded valley.  One closed off, an excellent Secret indeed~

We climbed up higher to speak, and [blot] I told her of the.. terrible stupidity I dealt with, that Abrecan had made it fine, yet was in a lesser state now, a bit of what Sphae and I had done, and other things soon enough.  She [blot] reminded me of the consequence to running alongside others.  They will be idiotic, and reckless, and it should not be unexpected.  I [blot] realized it was mostly my fear of the Growth that upsets me.  To drag Sphae through such an ordeal as well, that she must feel what I felt with the Chaos panicking near the Growth, it [blot] was infuriating.  But it was ultimately my Choice, my mistake.  I wanted a change, and I do not seek to restrict others' Choices, I merely must be more.. accepting, or perhaps mindful of my own Choice in others' contradiction.  Or simply put no trust in their judgments, and go with my instincts first.

[a few blots]

I gave her some of the stones I had found for her.  The magically infused ones, the ones I thought may work better than gems, and [spot] She thinks they could work!  She thinks they may be able to help her with her condition, that she may be able to touch others again, and by the Winds, that is so incredibly exciting.  She seemed so pleased, and also sad, but that look, I think, was one of... relief, disbelief, overwhelming unexpected happiness.  Or so I hope!  I just [spot]

She seemed to pleased to be more human.

[a few more spots]  That she wouldn't need to fear many of the things she does now, that she would be able to touch others, and [blot] I hope she can.  I don't know if she would ask for more help from me, but I hope that she can do it.  I know if she did, I would help any way I could, for having more Choices, living without a fear, doing something she always wished she could, and being more of what she wishes to be [spot] what could be more grand than helping to lift one I love so dearly to such a goal?  To make it just that much more attainable until she can find it?  To finally make one of her inevitabilities something no longer inevitable?

I am so pleased for her.  I hope she finds a way, and I am so glad this gives her more likelihood of it being so.

We spun a small game of words not long after, such woe at my coy meanings within meanings~  At least I am not so bad as the company sometimes held~  Her curiosity of who told me various things was somewhat amusing~

Lafey mentioned how she found the place, 'a man with no tact whatsoever'.  Who also appears to be a hypocrite, and a stumpy legged-tumor Vanguard Captain.  That must be fairly strange to deal with.  He didn't arrest her, which was well enough.  Apparently she was bending the Rules of taking a Dolyak somewhere, however, it wasn't upset about this, so I still don't see quite what the problem is.  She wished to test the Rules, which, I also see no problems with; it is really the only way to know how far and which ways they can be Bent, hm?  Apparently she likes the tumor captain, and thought instead that flirting with him might be interesting.

[blot]

I didn't actually know that flirting was also a means of obtaining information, but when she explained it to me, it actually does make some amount of sense.  The Neily wanted her to practice it, and I have to say I am somewhat curious about it as well, should it concern information. . . I will need to remember this.  Perhaps we can both practice somehow.  She said that it is forward with less innocent intentions, and is much like lying.  She also said that Phooka does it, though [blot] I tend to doubt that he lies when he says such things.

They met together, her and Phooka, and explored some other ruins. It is so very grand for them, that must have been exciting~  They [spot] seem to understand each other much better, I hope that they meet more often, I don't doubt the other's company brings quite a bit of warmth.  I hope that I, as much as I fall behind, can still compare.

She asked me something surprising though, if I wished to keep this place a Secret between her and I, and that she would not tell Phooka.  I was [blot] flattered, honored, that she would only wish to share a Secret with me and none other, but such a thing wasn't mine to hold, unless she wished it be.  [a few more spots]  It is such a grand place, I could not speak to have it kept from him.  But that she offered to have a Secret between us meant so much.

[a few more blots]

I was so glad to come out here and see her, to see what she wished me to see, and stay here for now.  Such things are such welcome solace amidst a storm of all else.