I thought the tests would be.. well, more definitive. I suppose it was instead, simply observation? I imagine, though, that follows with what Selda had mentioned, about merely going with them before being accepted to join them. Thorns, I still am unsure quite what this means. I do know what they told me, but I really wasn't told that much; apparently they all knew far more than I did, and [spot]
Well, I should probably mention what I am rambling about.
I got my card! The one the Jesters give to those they consider 'one of them'. It was entirely unexpected, I had only come in checking on the stone, really, and there was a celebratory gathering. I'd not even the time to figure out why before I was.. asked to another room.
Nik was there. Being thoroughly Nik-like, really. I am still to be called Intruder, it seems, though I won't argue on whether or not it is fitting. It is an interesting Choice of name. It seems Nik divines fortunes in many places. Oddly, he asked if I wished him to create mine..~
Now, that is certainly a thought. I, allowing another, to create my fate for me~ It's a bit laughable really, and certainly not something I would ever submit to in terms of one who knows me very little by First Knowledge. It would very much be like giving the other the power to hold the end result of all my Choices. Like giving up myself entirely, for another's word and shaping. The thought itself is such a strange thing; I suppose, perhaps, those who do not realize may give away such power, but that is not something I am willing to do.
I said that my fortune and fate are for me to create.
Though, I could not help but be curious of what he would have said. Even if it is of 'other' divising, and may hold no weight, I was interested in what it would have been. However, if I was to know, I would lose no Choice of my own. He offered, then, a 'joint effort'. "We each take a hand in making your fate."
I couldn't argue with that. Though I did set my parameters. I must retain exactly all of my own Choices.As a 'fate' is powerful, but there is always more to be seen, and nothing determined unless all of the Choices, in a Chaotic and ultimately unpredictable world, happen to align. By no means will I give up my own power to Choose, Change, and Bend what I see to, but. . . I did come for a Change in itself. I am looking for something, something that really matters, and [blot] I believe that this group, and in turn Nik, have a hand in that. They are, ultimately, a part in the end result of my Choices. So, of course he would have a hand in its creation, that much I could not dispute.
I agreed.
He mixed up the cards continuously quicker, and waited for me to tell him to cease. I watched them carefully.. until I lost track. Because something by Chaos and the Unknown is exactly what I would like to have hand in such 'fate telling'~ A complete contradiction to all it is meant to be, something not to be known, something unexpected. So the moment I could no longer discern, I said in a voice only one listening for it could hear to stop.
He did. And on top, was my card.
It is the Nine of Masks. An interesting coincidence, really, because 9 has always been a grand number to me. Three threes, a number of dimensions and realms, as much more than we might think seems to happen in threes, and 9 holds it to the extreme of its possibility. Though I really don't know if the number means anything like that in this context at all.
Instead, the card represents "The truth hidden in the deception. The masks represent both truths and untruths. The chaos surrounding the world and the truth at its heart." I [blot] It is still quite exciting! A card that seems to stand for the the unseen dance between knowledge and seeking it, being caught up in the Chaos that moves all forward, with the Unknown leading towards what may become Known. Truth itself is such an interesting thing, as each one's Truth is different. Each is their Choices, for those are the actions they take, the way they move through the Chaos to what they seek, and what was is in the life they have. But their Truth lines the path they create. It fills the holes so they may walk it, it is the Knowledge one needs to build upon to seek further. And that this should be my card! My fate. It is so exciting, and [blot]an honor!
I am very pleased with this. I even got to keep the very card that was drawn. It's very intricate and interesting to look at as well, I wonder if I will keep it long enough to leave it in here for the End. [spot]
Afterwards, Nik and I came from the room, and announced the fate to the others, who also seemed very pleased~ They congratulated me, and said that it seemed quite fitting. Then others went in to also find their fates.
Calvin is the Eleven of Masks. Representing the 'Beauty within'. Apparently he can also see such things, or claims it.
Miss Malin is the Ten of Spears. Representing "The suit of justice and truth, and the Tyian way. It's perserverance and making headway both in and out of battle."
[a few spots] For some reason, it was also brought up if or not I.. had a Beloved.. [blot] They were all.. very encouraging about it, though they didn't [spot] I mean, that is simply not a Choice that is only my own! I.. As much as I love the ones I love, I do not.. know if they would ever care to be Beloveds with me. Surely it is something for them to feel as well, and [blot] well. I mean, I would
I just don't think it is for me to be a part of. I.. have been wrong, perhaps I am, I would probably like it if I was, but.. I have.. always been much further than I ever wanted, and I think that is just.. what I am.Something that drifts too far. I am so grateful, so happy, with those who I love and who love me. I only wish them to find what is so grand to them that everything seems to fit as they would wish it. Which by no means refers to boring~ Just.. what they would really like, whatever that is.
[blot] Donari said that I should believe myself the best. But why believe something that is a lie? I am quite certain that I am not the best, and I really don't care to believe what isn't so. Especially when it comes to those I care for. I wish them to live and see all they wish, to experience all they would like, to learn all they can and want to learn. How can I claim to be 'the best' part of that for another? How can I even dare to think that I, out of everything and everyone, am so great that I will have such weight in their lives, when there is so much more than me to see? That is not my Choice to make, not for them. They will see me as they will, as I will be what I am, without such grandiose, baseless assumption. [a few spots]But, well, I do appreciate his attempts to.. help with my 'confidence' I suppose.
All of them, really. I.. [blot] I was surprised how much they seemed to wish to encourage me finding a Beloved. Calvin said I was "bloody brilliant and lovely". Abrecan mentioned finding the right sylvari and "blowing their mind", though really, that sounds a bit.. something~ Zaree mentioned that it wouldn't need to be a sylvari either, which.. I could not help but grin about. Though luckily the conversation shifted to more important matters soon enough, I [spot] it was just kind of them to give me those words. I wonder if they misunderstood what I meant, but.. well, I appreciate it regardless.
[blot]
My tendrils also misbehaved, and tripped Rahvin when she was dancing on the table. Though she ended up being fine, and was not upset. [spot] In case I need that knowledge for later, by some will of the Winds.
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