The other sun I found that castle. By chance, (though it was somewhat expected, given what she had said in her letter) I did see Sphae about the jungle. She was near the small pond of sorts where the restless nature spirit resided. Interestingly, she was in the most grand of colors as well, I had never seen her in them before, nor in human-style clothing. An odd choice for blending in with the forest, though it did better than her usual luminous colors would have... just.. certainly something that caught my eye.
I do not know if she cared for being followed, though she did it first, so I was bound to get her back for it..~ We eventually ended up running from there, to the castle. I got a bit lost, but it certainly wasn't that bad. I couldn't tell either if she was bothered by the amount of hostility we encountered or not. [blot] I suppose I simply do not think about it any longer. Is it normal to consider otherwise? When attacked, I react. When nothing more is spoken, I think their initial actions speak for themselves. An attempt to take Choice. One I do not stand for, and have no patience for. [a few spots]
Regardless of all that, we made it there. I could not remember much about the place when we arrived, only.. in vaguer. Eventually we found a way to climb up top once more. [blot]
We spoke of death, of necromancy, and of spirits. I do not know if she cared for such topics. [a few more spots] I realize that, I.. am simply far more used to them than is perhaps of normal thought as well. For a long while, it would have been Ren who I sat with, and spoke of such things to. Is that considered dismal conversation as well? Somehow, she had thought that.. [spot] or, well, maybe not thought, but it crossed her mind to mention, that.. living for an end is not.. necessarily.. a good path to take. [ a few more blots]
I had certainly thought of that many suns ago. And I do not think I am living for 'an end' either, because... it is just foolish. It would be giving all for an uncertainty, something not even necessarily welcomed, not even known if possible, a waste of all Choice and Possibility for a single potential that may be fruitless while ignoring all else in front of me. No, it is.. not something I ever wished to be or do solely. A favored pursuit if able, and if not -[streak, spot] I already know where I will be. I see it more often than many may ever be acquainted with their ending until it is met. I carry it with me, and it draws me until.. [blot]
[another few spots]
I wonder if she really thought any of that. In part it sounded like a jest entirely, I think it's already been deemed hardly possible to be formed into a necromantic creation, at least alone. Perhaps if a sylvari's body were added to much more flesh of the other sorts and segmented into pieces, but would it even behave the same way? Perhaps I will ask sometime, if [a few spots] I should speak to another necromancer; I wonder if they would have tried. And I hardly doubt such death can be defied..~ I left those thoughts to the Winds. Sphae spoke of how she would be memories for saplings when that end may come, and [spot] such a thing is exactly what I wish to avoid. I do not believe that I will be able to tell her given her thoughts of that thereafter, so I figure she will simply have to keep those potential strange impressions; I will say no different.
She invited me to perhaps go to the Zephyrites' festival with her, and also with .. [blot] Suinidos. I wonder if he is her 'little brother'. Certainly, he is a mender.. if he is the one I am thinking of, and if he should join us, that would be interesting. Perhaps a little strange, though.. I am hardly one to know what is and is not unusual~ Perhaps he can hover instead. [a few spots]
[blot]
I also wonder if I keep up like this, if this hollowness will fade away too. If I'll feel strongly for something more than my own ideas again. I feel I am slowly losing .. pieces as I drift further away, but I am not worried. It is like losing charred leaves, they are already dead and when touched may as well crumble. [spot] I hope it will also fade, and that somewhere, there is something more than.. just an end. I imagine I just have to find it.
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