61, Phoenix, 1327

Once, I used to write my thoughts along with my memories. I've somewhat [blot] mushed the two together, it would seem, over the course of many suns. So for now, I am simply writing thoughts.

[a few spots]

Really, though, I suppose all thoughts are memories, aren't they? At least once they are recorded, because the moment they happen, that single moment, in that amount of time a thought can only be had, not actually kept. Once it is placed, even if it is very recent, it is still a memory, an echo of a thought already sorted out just a split second before.

It brings me to what I.. would like to find sometime. Somewhere to place memories that [spot] far exceeds simple writing. Because look how little is captured here! Books and the written thought are excellent in so many ways; one can choose what they wish to learn, when to stop, when to start again, instead of having it all forced upon them and considered as 'a truth'. With written words, one can choosetheir truths. Or discern them from many other words. However they fall short of experience. One will always interpret so much about what they are given, it is the self being.. the self. In any active experience, the self interprets it different than someone else would; so even there, there is something unseen to everyone. But an interpretation leaves something out that is not fully grasped when it starts to be focused on.

Words themselves leave so much more to interpretation than experience. One can read a simple string of words, and based on what they are thinking, come to endless possibilities. With an experience, there are many more things present to be agreed upon than there are with words alone and written. An experience comes with thoughts, feelings, all the things the senses find there, others themselves, places, a little piece of the world in a transient moment.

This is all to say that I wish to find a way to create, or to find, something to help me capture memories as experiences. Ways that the experience could be.. experienced once more as it was, for a more complete capture of the memory. Yet, I wish it to retain what is so grand about the written word; that the holder can choose what they would like or not. And something that the one who places the memories could keep secret from others if they so wished; not like the Dream and its [blot] whatever the brambles it does. I could go on about that for quite a while, the specifics of its manipulation, but I prefer not to.

[a few more spots] Perhaps.. if I do get to know them a bit better, perhaps I can ask the Jesters about this.If they know where such a thing is, where it may be 'procured', if it exists. And if not, if any among them may have theories. Though that leads me back around to before... I've not met any yet who were particularly interested in magic. I wonder if they would find one useful, or more [blot] taxing than anything.

[a large blot]
Studying the dimensional theories I had in mind around this would prove dangerous at best, especially for myself alone. As much as I don't like to admit it, but I also know that is not the only way. [a few more spots] Still, I will do what I must to see it through, even if there is some danger to it. [spot]

[blot]

I wonder if I could persist on theoreticals, experiments, and gaining knowledge until my end. I realized there was a bit of something to it, surely it is something I love, that excites me. But then I thought aboutwhy I am doing it, and.. things grew more [blot] well, back to how they have been. [spot] I wonder if I could create my own small dimensional space. A.. place for myself. Somewhere that I do fit. Where the relevance of what I am to anyone else is entirely non-existent. Because my uses have run thin, and [a few spots] I can't help but wonder if that's all I really am to anyone else now anyway.

I thought about what Lafey mentioned, as far as her blood magic. I don't know a whole lot about it; I'd skimmed through it some in the various books I'd read about other facets of necromancy, nevermind what I have actually seen from her and Ren before. I don't even know what she's working on, but maybe some sorts of little, set aside, 'containers' of power might.. help. At least, if her injury was from losing too much blood, or the effects thereafter of what power was used. I don't know, I [spot] I may write to her again.

I need to write to all of them. Or, well, I don't, but I suppose I would just like to, so they know.. what I am doing.. sort of. If they ever may wish to cross paths with me again. [blot]