1, Phoenix, 1327
A new beginning with new beginnings~ Though, I suppose this did happen lastsun, not this one.
I'd finally been able to find Phooka. It.. [blot] I was quite glad to, though he.. he was different and it worried me. I know this has all made him feel quite terrible, but yet again, I [blot] I was somewhere between excited to see him, and unsure what I should even do. There was so much I wanted to do, that nothing really seemed to be coming out, and.. well, I didn't even know if he would want it. I wished for him to be happy, but how could I bring such a thing? I.. he said just standing with me may be fine, to just be around me for a little while, but.. that didn't seem like enough. At least from how he seemed.
I thought, perhaps he might like to run a bit with me. Of course, we weren't really running at first, it was more trying to find a place to stay, away from the home, and- well, I think we both got excited and ran some anyway. We ran along the hillside further than before, climbed it up by Ettins, though many of the hills were disappointingly steep for us. We did find some great views though, and eventually a tranquil spot by a Tengu wall, despite the wargs nearby. Phooka is getting better with his rocket boots, which is exciting and a relief at the same time.
[spot] The more I think about it, the more I just want to find him again now. The more time I want to bloom with him. It - [spot] It seems like there is so much there that neither of us knows! I.. I would just like to know him so much more. I would like to be able to feel like.. I can go to him when I need a place to be, but also, that he can come to me as well. And I.. I don't know if he does. Perhaps he does? He just [spot] I don't want him to feel alone, though I know he actually isn't. I don't know what it is, it's a strange feeling. He.. told me he missed me, and I miss him too. I still do. Even though - [blot]
And that is another leaf on the branch, he.. He said that I have him already. He has said that.. I am his, and he is mine. And are we? Do we belong to each other?I.. I have never thought that we belong to anyone, though the thought is.. strangely endearing. Its strangeness is that.. if he 'belongs' to me, then he does to everyone else as well. Which really isn't belonging to me at all, it just seems to place everyone [spot] like they have more say than they may. Like they have the ultimate Choice over him, and they do not. But he- [spot]
I just know I cannot have as much of his time as I may wish. It simply isn't mine to have, I don't think, despite.. what he says. Until he can convince me otherwise.. There were so many things I hadn't spoken that I wanted to when we met. [blot]Perhaps I need to run some. I feel like I am simply brimming with excitement, whenever I am near him or Lafey, just because they are there, and it is hard to.. to stop. To actually get out of me what I would like to be known. And when I do, I just ramble into the winds, and -[streak spot] It's hard to slow down! I don't know if it's bothersome, but it's enough to cause me more waiting.
I hope we'll have another chance. One of these suns, I wish to steal him away for myself, like Lafey wanted to, for an entire sun and maybe an entire night as well. Maybe that will give me enough time to get through my own.. chaos of enthusiasm.
But! None of that is even the most important parts of what memories I wish to hold. The Most Important Part is that.. I.. I was able to help Phooka find his way to Soundlessness! It is so exciting! I am just- [blot] [a couple ink spots] I am so very excited for him, it is causing me to glow and feel warm all over. He was so pleased! He did excellently, and took it so well, I am.. I am just thrilled, like having been nicely kissed by the sun all morning, and in the midst of jumping into a cool, pleasant lake, I.. It's most grand. To him, it is like a grand machine, which [blot] I cannot help but laugh at how pleased I am to hear that. It is something he truly loves that he has found there, something which is his own Choice. It was.. it was such an honor and a pleasure to have been able to help him so far, to bring him to a place of his Choosing, and to see just how exuberant he felt upon arriving. He was able to find me, but more than that, he was able to find himself.
He was almost too excited though! I- [blot] I didn't get the chance to tell him before he came away how to take his Silence, it is not quite like the Quiet. I am not even sure if he managed to look around yet! He looked at all the possibilities of himself, but I don't know if he looked beyond that, and - well, he may well find it on his own, but if he doesn't, he certainly needs to know it's there. Because between himself and what's beyond in the Silence, he will need both in order to keep himself where he is. I think though, that he will enjoy that. I'd.. like to speak with him about it soon.
[blot]
There are so many things I'd like to speak with him about soon, but he.. he's so many things on his mind. I don't want to wait, but [spot] I feel it is not my choice to make. I may try though. I. [a few more spots] I never mentioned, yet, what he had said in the letter. About.. what we are, and I would like to. I don't even want to write about it until I can tell him. [blot]
I am really glad though, that we had the short time that we did. I hope he may be less wilted, and might find some warmth to brighten the flame in him.
A new beginning with new beginnings~ Though, I suppose this did happen lastsun, not this one.
I'd finally been able to find Phooka. It.. [blot] I was quite glad to, though he.. he was different and it worried me. I know this has all made him feel quite terrible, but yet again, I [blot] I was somewhere between excited to see him, and unsure what I should even do. There was so much I wanted to do, that nothing really seemed to be coming out, and.. well, I didn't even know if he would want it. I wished for him to be happy, but how could I bring such a thing? I.. he said just standing with me may be fine, to just be around me for a little while, but.. that didn't seem like enough. At least from how he seemed.
I thought, perhaps he might like to run a bit with me. Of course, we weren't really running at first, it was more trying to find a place to stay, away from the home, and- well, I think we both got excited and ran some anyway. We ran along the hillside further than before, climbed it up by Ettins, though many of the hills were disappointingly steep for us. We did find some great views though, and eventually a tranquil spot by a Tengu wall, despite the wargs nearby. Phooka is getting better with his rocket boots, which is exciting and a relief at the same time.
[spot] The more I think about it, the more I just want to find him again now. The more time I want to bloom with him. It - [spot] It seems like there is so much there that neither of us knows! I.. I would just like to know him so much more. I would like to be able to feel like.. I can go to him when I need a place to be, but also, that he can come to me as well. And I.. I don't know if he does. Perhaps he does? He just [spot] I don't want him to feel alone, though I know he actually isn't. I don't know what it is, it's a strange feeling. He.. told me he missed me, and I miss him too. I still do. Even though - [blot]
And that is another leaf on the branch, he.. He said that I have him already. He has said that.. I am his, and he is mine. And are we? Do we belong to each other?I.. I have never thought that we belong to anyone, though the thought is.. strangely endearing. Its strangeness is that.. if he 'belongs' to me, then he does to everyone else as well. Which really isn't belonging to me at all, it just seems to place everyone [spot] like they have more say than they may. Like they have the ultimate Choice over him, and they do not. But he- [spot]
I just know I cannot have as much of his time as I may wish. It simply isn't mine to have, I don't think, despite.. what he says. Until he can convince me otherwise.. There were so many things I hadn't spoken that I wanted to when we met. [blot]Perhaps I need to run some. I feel like I am simply brimming with excitement, whenever I am near him or Lafey, just because they are there, and it is hard to.. to stop. To actually get out of me what I would like to be known. And when I do, I just ramble into the winds, and -[streak spot] It's hard to slow down! I don't know if it's bothersome, but it's enough to cause me more waiting.
I hope we'll have another chance. One of these suns, I wish to steal him away for myself, like Lafey wanted to, for an entire sun and maybe an entire night as well. Maybe that will give me enough time to get through my own.. chaos of enthusiasm.
But! None of that is even the most important parts of what memories I wish to hold. The Most Important Part is that.. I.. I was able to help Phooka find his way to Soundlessness! It is so exciting! I am just- [blot] [a couple ink spots] I am so very excited for him, it is causing me to glow and feel warm all over. He was so pleased! He did excellently, and took it so well, I am.. I am just thrilled, like having been nicely kissed by the sun all morning, and in the midst of jumping into a cool, pleasant lake, I.. It's most grand. To him, it is like a grand machine, which [blot] I cannot help but laugh at how pleased I am to hear that. It is something he truly loves that he has found there, something which is his own Choice. It was.. it was such an honor and a pleasure to have been able to help him so far, to bring him to a place of his Choosing, and to see just how exuberant he felt upon arriving. He was able to find me, but more than that, he was able to find himself.
He was almost too excited though! I- [blot] I didn't get the chance to tell him before he came away how to take his Silence, it is not quite like the Quiet. I am not even sure if he managed to look around yet! He looked at all the possibilities of himself, but I don't know if he looked beyond that, and - well, he may well find it on his own, but if he doesn't, he certainly needs to know it's there. Because between himself and what's beyond in the Silence, he will need both in order to keep himself where he is. I think though, that he will enjoy that. I'd.. like to speak with him about it soon.
[blot]
There are so many things I'd like to speak with him about soon, but he.. he's so many things on his mind. I don't want to wait, but [spot] I feel it is not my choice to make. I may try though. I. [a few more spots] I never mentioned, yet, what he had said in the letter. About.. what we are, and I would like to. I don't even want to write about it until I can tell him. [blot]
I am really glad though, that we had the short time that we did. I hope he may be less wilted, and might find some warmth to brighten the flame in him.
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