72, Zephyr, 1327
It's been some time since I placed any memories. [blot]
Syrlya, Nenia, Androsace and I all helped to wake the Valesongs. They did most of it, Syrlya managed to ease Tala's mind, so she would not be sending pain to the others. Tala, though, is a necromancer, and she- [blot] Well, she drained all of us but Syr of our life-force the entire time. It.. was not very pleasant. I was only there to transfer the Chaos into Syr, so he did not run out, but.. well, I am glad we did not run out of life too. I could've easily sat as long as was needed just transferring Chaos alone.
Though it left Nenia and I very tired, it seems to have worked. Apparently some of them are waking, which is excellent. I [blot] hope all of them wake soon.
Lafey and Ren came back. I don't think they heard my call, so I was unsure when or if they were going to return, but they did. She had to go to her grandmother. I wonder if she is as grand as her grandfather, though her home...[blot] I did not like it. Perhaps not quite as grand. Though I suppose something can still be grand without me liking it, just not grand to me. [spot] I wonder which kind of grand her grandfather is. He sounds like both though, if he is the most grand of them all. That is a diverging branch though. Ren is hiding, I think, in Lafey's grandfather's house. I.. [blot]
She wouldn't tell me where it was, which makes sense if he was hiding, but I was afraid it might be in the Mists too. I mean, if her grandfather is there, then wouldn't it make sense for his house to be there too? I.. I really hope Ren isn't there right now. But she said he was fine, and I don't think he would be fine in the Mists, as he doesn't like them. So I will simply hope that her grandfather left his house behind when he went.
Oh, I had forgotten to write- a few suns ago (I think?) I spoke with Syr for a while.Thorns, I barely remember it all, this is the problem with me not placing memories. But we spoke of closeness then, and what matters. He.. [blot] he thinks highly of me, and.. [spot] I keep being trapped between two thoughts. The one thought that it is his situation which makes me unable to be close to him, that he is still a part of the Dream, and that I could never tell him any Secrets, which are very important to me. But the other thought that fights with the first is that.. being part of the Dream is part of him. So it is him, not just the situation. He has chosen to stay with it, I have chosen to stay away, and our choices make us who we are. It is.. [blot]
It is just difficult, because he is so kind. I would like to be close to him, but if I wish to live my life as I want it lived, I cannot. That is not something I want to give up, I can't. I keep wishing to tell him that it isn't him that is the reason for this, but.. he also made that choice. It isn't wrong though, it is just his choice, where I also have mine, and we just happen to not be on the same path because of them. He..[spot] He was worried about making choices that might drive me away. It is not that, so much as my own choices that might result in being far. Though I don't want to be far; I hope it would not grow anymore than it is, the distance, though I don't think it will either. I'd try to keep it from being so. I hope he understands. [spot]
There is something along a similar branch to this, but it would be out of order to write about it now. Of course, everything is already out of order, but.. [blot] Well, to the brambles with it.
I finally spoke with Phooka a little about his Silence. And it seems he is interested in continuing further. It is.. a nice surprise, really. I am pleased for him, that he feels like he is able to keep his thoughts clearer and not be overwhelmed. I.. [blot] I know what it is like to be overwhelmed, to be lost in the currents, unsure if you are really there, or if you are just the water too and.. I'm glad I was able to help pull him from them. Though really, it was mostly he who did the coming out. He is still dripping though, so it seems at some point I will give him something to dry off with and lead him to everything else beyond the river of Dreams and Nightmare, so he might choose where he'd like to go next. [blot] I hope I will be able to stand by him when he does.
He was worried about Kaiya's waking. I hope she wakes soon, but from all I've heard the others say, I think she will. [blot] I wonder if she would want writings of all that occurred. I .. I hardly know half of it. But I do have some memories. I suppose we will see. Mostly I would just be pleased that she would wake and that Phooka could be with her again at long last.
We all spoke for a time, Lafey, Phooka, and I, at a human treehouse. It was nice to be up there with them. We figured some things out between us. Phooka and I can kiss Lafey, though apparently not at the same time. I [blot] Well I did not mean at the same time in the first place! But of course I thought about it, if it would be possible, and, well, I figured it would be. I mean, we could each kiss her cheek, or somewhere in a different spot at once, right? I was mostly just curious if I could kiss her myself, because just because she would like Phooka to doesn't mean that she would like me to. Phooka said that I should kiss whoever I want when I want. Though I think he means if they would like it too, and that was the whole problem; I just didn't know. But apparently, even kissing someone at the same time is something that humans have a rule about. They have many strange customs I don't understand, but it must be really troublesome for Lafey too, that we don't understand them. I'm glad that she's telling us what she doesn't want us to do, I don't.. want to bother her by accident due to ignorance, if I can help it. I.. I am still far behind I think. But I also think I am getting better.
She said she was glad that we were ourselves, and later that we shouldn't be tied down by human rules that don't apply to us. Lafey is so radiant, I am glad she doesn't get upset with us, and I think it will be alright.
I.. we spoke some before and after that. Before, I asked her to go to that place with me, with the flowers that shone like stars and the spirits. I kept it a surprise though as to what the place was, I just need to run out that way and remember how to get there. I told her I would try and she is trusting me to know how, I'll have to focus really hard to remember. She.. she also said she enjoys having Secrets with me and- [blot] I can feel myself illuminate at the thought. That is so very important! And that she would like to with myself, I.. I am just very glad. I like having Secrets with her as well.
After, Lafey mentioned something about my chest and sleeping. Apparently.. to humans, chests aren't supposed to be visible while under covers, or else it means that something sexual is going to happen. It apparently is not just her, as she says she likes all of me, but just something that humans think and might get her in trouble somehow. (Even though we aren't being watched.) I will have to remember this, and try to cover my chest and my back when I am around humans and hiding under blankets. [blot] I wonder if it means something strange to them if I am just alone as well. Humans are so fascinating, though I cannot figure out the connections between some of their rules. Perhaps.. it is something in their history, they have been around for a very long time. I wouldn't have even thought about taking off the shirt, though she thought I would not be comfortable in it. I.. I am a little worried about when she mentioned a tailor as well, I would rather someone not be near my back that I don't know. I can make my own clothing however, perhaps I will ask her what a 'bedshirt' is like, and try to make one myself instead.
[blot]
Also, I [spot] kissed Phooka. This is out of order, but I thought about it, and want to remember. I didn't.. well, I couldn't run. I mean, I was just too pleased to run. Maybe I will sometime, just to get him back for all the times I couldn't react, but that time I couldn't. I was just pleased that I had, and.. he kissed me back too. I[blot] forgot a bit about words. It was.. it was like that with Lafey too, when I was trying to figure out what I was feeling, and.. I think I am figuring it all out~
I am so glad that we have all found each other and are beginning to understand.
It's been some time since I placed any memories. [blot]
Syrlya, Nenia, Androsace and I all helped to wake the Valesongs. They did most of it, Syrlya managed to ease Tala's mind, so she would not be sending pain to the others. Tala, though, is a necromancer, and she- [blot] Well, she drained all of us but Syr of our life-force the entire time. It.. was not very pleasant. I was only there to transfer the Chaos into Syr, so he did not run out, but.. well, I am glad we did not run out of life too. I could've easily sat as long as was needed just transferring Chaos alone.
Though it left Nenia and I very tired, it seems to have worked. Apparently some of them are waking, which is excellent. I [blot] hope all of them wake soon.
Lafey and Ren came back. I don't think they heard my call, so I was unsure when or if they were going to return, but they did. She had to go to her grandmother. I wonder if she is as grand as her grandfather, though her home...[blot] I did not like it. Perhaps not quite as grand. Though I suppose something can still be grand without me liking it, just not grand to me. [spot] I wonder which kind of grand her grandfather is. He sounds like both though, if he is the most grand of them all. That is a diverging branch though. Ren is hiding, I think, in Lafey's grandfather's house. I.. [blot]
She wouldn't tell me where it was, which makes sense if he was hiding, but I was afraid it might be in the Mists too. I mean, if her grandfather is there, then wouldn't it make sense for his house to be there too? I.. I really hope Ren isn't there right now. But she said he was fine, and I don't think he would be fine in the Mists, as he doesn't like them. So I will simply hope that her grandfather left his house behind when he went.
Oh, I had forgotten to write- a few suns ago (I think?) I spoke with Syr for a while.Thorns, I barely remember it all, this is the problem with me not placing memories. But we spoke of closeness then, and what matters. He.. [blot] he thinks highly of me, and.. [spot] I keep being trapped between two thoughts. The one thought that it is his situation which makes me unable to be close to him, that he is still a part of the Dream, and that I could never tell him any Secrets, which are very important to me. But the other thought that fights with the first is that.. being part of the Dream is part of him. So it is him, not just the situation. He has chosen to stay with it, I have chosen to stay away, and our choices make us who we are. It is.. [blot]
It is just difficult, because he is so kind. I would like to be close to him, but if I wish to live my life as I want it lived, I cannot. That is not something I want to give up, I can't. I keep wishing to tell him that it isn't him that is the reason for this, but.. he also made that choice. It isn't wrong though, it is just his choice, where I also have mine, and we just happen to not be on the same path because of them. He..[spot] He was worried about making choices that might drive me away. It is not that, so much as my own choices that might result in being far. Though I don't want to be far; I hope it would not grow anymore than it is, the distance, though I don't think it will either. I'd try to keep it from being so. I hope he understands. [spot]
There is something along a similar branch to this, but it would be out of order to write about it now. Of course, everything is already out of order, but.. [blot] Well, to the brambles with it.
I finally spoke with Phooka a little about his Silence. And it seems he is interested in continuing further. It is.. a nice surprise, really. I am pleased for him, that he feels like he is able to keep his thoughts clearer and not be overwhelmed. I.. [blot] I know what it is like to be overwhelmed, to be lost in the currents, unsure if you are really there, or if you are just the water too and.. I'm glad I was able to help pull him from them. Though really, it was mostly he who did the coming out. He is still dripping though, so it seems at some point I will give him something to dry off with and lead him to everything else beyond the river of Dreams and Nightmare, so he might choose where he'd like to go next. [blot] I hope I will be able to stand by him when he does.
He was worried about Kaiya's waking. I hope she wakes soon, but from all I've heard the others say, I think she will. [blot] I wonder if she would want writings of all that occurred. I .. I hardly know half of it. But I do have some memories. I suppose we will see. Mostly I would just be pleased that she would wake and that Phooka could be with her again at long last.
We all spoke for a time, Lafey, Phooka, and I, at a human treehouse. It was nice to be up there with them. We figured some things out between us. Phooka and I can kiss Lafey, though apparently not at the same time. I [blot] Well I did not mean at the same time in the first place! But of course I thought about it, if it would be possible, and, well, I figured it would be. I mean, we could each kiss her cheek, or somewhere in a different spot at once, right? I was mostly just curious if I could kiss her myself, because just because she would like Phooka to doesn't mean that she would like me to. Phooka said that I should kiss whoever I want when I want. Though I think he means if they would like it too, and that was the whole problem; I just didn't know. But apparently, even kissing someone at the same time is something that humans have a rule about. They have many strange customs I don't understand, but it must be really troublesome for Lafey too, that we don't understand them. I'm glad that she's telling us what she doesn't want us to do, I don't.. want to bother her by accident due to ignorance, if I can help it. I.. I am still far behind I think. But I also think I am getting better.
She said she was glad that we were ourselves, and later that we shouldn't be tied down by human rules that don't apply to us. Lafey is so radiant, I am glad she doesn't get upset with us, and I think it will be alright.
I.. we spoke some before and after that. Before, I asked her to go to that place with me, with the flowers that shone like stars and the spirits. I kept it a surprise though as to what the place was, I just need to run out that way and remember how to get there. I told her I would try and she is trusting me to know how, I'll have to focus really hard to remember. She.. she also said she enjoys having Secrets with me and- [blot] I can feel myself illuminate at the thought. That is so very important! And that she would like to with myself, I.. I am just very glad. I like having Secrets with her as well.
After, Lafey mentioned something about my chest and sleeping. Apparently.. to humans, chests aren't supposed to be visible while under covers, or else it means that something sexual is going to happen. It apparently is not just her, as she says she likes all of me, but just something that humans think and might get her in trouble somehow. (Even though we aren't being watched.) I will have to remember this, and try to cover my chest and my back when I am around humans and hiding under blankets. [blot] I wonder if it means something strange to them if I am just alone as well. Humans are so fascinating, though I cannot figure out the connections between some of their rules. Perhaps.. it is something in their history, they have been around for a very long time. I wouldn't have even thought about taking off the shirt, though she thought I would not be comfortable in it. I.. I am a little worried about when she mentioned a tailor as well, I would rather someone not be near my back that I don't know. I can make my own clothing however, perhaps I will ask her what a 'bedshirt' is like, and try to make one myself instead.
[blot]
Also, I [spot] kissed Phooka. This is out of order, but I thought about it, and want to remember. I didn't.. well, I couldn't run. I mean, I was just too pleased to run. Maybe I will sometime, just to get him back for all the times I couldn't react, but that time I couldn't. I was just pleased that I had, and.. he kissed me back too. I[blot] forgot a bit about words. It was.. it was like that with Lafey too, when I was trying to figure out what I was feeling, and.. I think I am figuring it all out~
I am so glad that we have all found each other and are beginning to understand.
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