79, Zephyr, 1327
I have been fighting.
I have been fighting a lot, and the Chaos in me has only lessened a little.
The other sun, I spent all of it tearing myself apart. It was strange; a different kind of soothing. Like it was something that needed to be done, and I was accomplishing it. I still.. feel poorly over how I've been. And I didn't think anyone else would take me apart for it, so I had to myself.
[blot]
Calaidhe. That was what he called himself, the one who watched, and decided he would fight with me. He was a very good fighter; I tried hard to hold my own against him, and not to use much magic like I normally would fight, other than stepping across small Bends. He did corner me though, and the Chaos reacted. [blot] I can fight with a staff well enough, but I am little match for those who find close combat their real calling. I managed, and did not get that hurt, save for pained ribs, shoulder, and some broken leaves and ferns, but I also felt that he held back significantly too. I think he just wished me to fight someone other than myself, and perhaps wanted something to do. It was enjoyable, either way, to have someone to fight and not have to think beyond what was there.
We didn't speak much. We know each other's names. I might see him again around the Quay. That's really all. Nothing more needed saying.
[ There is some writing here concerning Ren and events in Lion's Arch (( OOC placeholder for that)) ]
[blot]
After the first sun of fighting, Lafey found me. I [blot] I can't say I wish she hadn't, because she managed to soothe me, even though I did not think I wanted soothing. But I.. I think I only worried her more. I didn't want to worry her, or anyone, as my overwhelming presence is part of the problem. I realized there was a lot more bothering me than .. well, there was a lot bothering me. Things I haven't let myself think about, and I wanted to let it find its way through the Chaos, be sent outward into the world and shattered. It was getting in the way, and I wanted to let it go. Then I would focus on learning.
But Lafey had the warmth that she gives, and she stayed close with me, spoke with me, held onto me. She only wished to see me glow again. She didn't ask for me to tell her, though I promised I would in time if she wanted to know. I.. eventually could not help but speak some of it, she was so kind to me and it was nothing I felt I deserved, but how can I refuse when she wishes to give me such kindness? I apologized for being so overwhelming. I said I understand that it must be hard, that I understood now what I didn't before, and.. I really wished that it didn't make her feel terrible, because that was never what I wanted.
I was just foolish.
But she said that most of the overwhelming I have been has been in good ways.I.. I was more glad for that than I think I spoke. I.. I don't know if I can continue quite as I did, of course I will wish for what I wish for, and do as I would like to do, but I would like to be more mindful. I will need to think about this more too, perhaps I will ask some questions when I can stop to consider more clearly. Just so I know. [blot] She is so patient with me. That alone is something I am beyond grateful for, I just wish I was not so far behind.
[blot]
After the next sun of fighting Syr found me. He.. he too was kind, as he always is. He did not ask if anything was wrong. But I.. [blot] I could not speak with him. I just could not, not really. It wasn't [blot] It wasn't even him, it was just me, I am not ready to talk about what happened, or much of anything, really. I wonder if this is why Ren hid too. If everything was just too much, and he needed time. It sounds like it might have been. I need time right now.
I would like to focus on other things than what I am feeling. I know I will get myself in a place where I think I can speak about it eventually, but right now is not that time, and swirling it about my mind- [blot] I just don't want to deal with any of it. Give me puzzles, riddles, give me books to read and knowledge to seek. Give me experiments, and heights to reach. Give me fights and battles to survive, or have myself be torn into more. Let me watch and not be worried over. Let me not be in the way, or the cause of this or that turmoil I don't even fully understand. It's hard for me to think right now of more than what's in front of me, so I would just like something in front of me to focus on until the Chaos subsides to find what remains of me there.
[blot] This is a bit later than I last wrote, but it is the same day still, so I may as well place it.
I found a box. I am sitting with it now, and it has given me something to muse over. There is also a riddle! This is very exciting. I don't know if its place was its home, I didn't see it there before. I wonder if it belongs to anyone, perhaps it does, but I will put it back if I find out, or someone says they've lost it. Anyway -
Box
Riddle
[The writing stops here as though the author got distracted.]
I have been fighting.
I have been fighting a lot, and the Chaos in me has only lessened a little.
The other sun, I spent all of it tearing myself apart. It was strange; a different kind of soothing. Like it was something that needed to be done, and I was accomplishing it. I still.. feel poorly over how I've been. And I didn't think anyone else would take me apart for it, so I had to myself.
[blot]
Calaidhe. That was what he called himself, the one who watched, and decided he would fight with me. He was a very good fighter; I tried hard to hold my own against him, and not to use much magic like I normally would fight, other than stepping across small Bends. He did corner me though, and the Chaos reacted. [blot] I can fight with a staff well enough, but I am little match for those who find close combat their real calling. I managed, and did not get that hurt, save for pained ribs, shoulder, and some broken leaves and ferns, but I also felt that he held back significantly too. I think he just wished me to fight someone other than myself, and perhaps wanted something to do. It was enjoyable, either way, to have someone to fight and not have to think beyond what was there.
We didn't speak much. We know each other's names. I might see him again around the Quay. That's really all. Nothing more needed saying.
[ There is some writing here concerning Ren and events in Lion's Arch (( OOC placeholder for that)) ]
[blot]
After the first sun of fighting, Lafey found me. I [blot] I can't say I wish she hadn't, because she managed to soothe me, even though I did not think I wanted soothing. But I.. I think I only worried her more. I didn't want to worry her, or anyone, as my overwhelming presence is part of the problem. I realized there was a lot more bothering me than .. well, there was a lot bothering me. Things I haven't let myself think about, and I wanted to let it find its way through the Chaos, be sent outward into the world and shattered. It was getting in the way, and I wanted to let it go. Then I would focus on learning.
But Lafey had the warmth that she gives, and she stayed close with me, spoke with me, held onto me. She only wished to see me glow again. She didn't ask for me to tell her, though I promised I would in time if she wanted to know. I.. eventually could not help but speak some of it, she was so kind to me and it was nothing I felt I deserved, but how can I refuse when she wishes to give me such kindness? I apologized for being so overwhelming. I said I understand that it must be hard, that I understood now what I didn't before, and.. I really wished that it didn't make her feel terrible, because that was never what I wanted.
I was just foolish.
But she said that most of the overwhelming I have been has been in good ways.I.. I was more glad for that than I think I spoke. I.. I don't know if I can continue quite as I did, of course I will wish for what I wish for, and do as I would like to do, but I would like to be more mindful. I will need to think about this more too, perhaps I will ask some questions when I can stop to consider more clearly. Just so I know. [blot] She is so patient with me. That alone is something I am beyond grateful for, I just wish I was not so far behind.
[blot]
After the next sun of fighting Syr found me. He.. he too was kind, as he always is. He did not ask if anything was wrong. But I.. [blot] I could not speak with him. I just could not, not really. It wasn't [blot] It wasn't even him, it was just me, I am not ready to talk about what happened, or much of anything, really. I wonder if this is why Ren hid too. If everything was just too much, and he needed time. It sounds like it might have been. I need time right now.
I would like to focus on other things than what I am feeling. I know I will get myself in a place where I think I can speak about it eventually, but right now is not that time, and swirling it about my mind- [blot] I just don't want to deal with any of it. Give me puzzles, riddles, give me books to read and knowledge to seek. Give me experiments, and heights to reach. Give me fights and battles to survive, or have myself be torn into more. Let me watch and not be worried over. Let me not be in the way, or the cause of this or that turmoil I don't even fully understand. It's hard for me to think right now of more than what's in front of me, so I would just like something in front of me to focus on until the Chaos subsides to find what remains of me there.
[blot] This is a bit later than I last wrote, but it is the same day still, so I may as well place it.
I found a box. I am sitting with it now, and it has given me something to muse over. There is also a riddle! This is very exciting. I don't know if its place was its home, I didn't see it there before. I wonder if it belongs to anyone, perhaps it does, but I will put it back if I find out, or someone says they've lost it. Anyway -
Box
* Copper
* Small, only a few inches around
* A little dial marked by letters that spins
* Perhaps it is Phooka's ... It looks like it might be. Though I suppose it could be anyone's, really. I wonder if someone found it in the basement too.
* I wonder if you turn the dial to spell out the answer to get it open; it doesn't seem to open otherwise.
* It doesn't seem warded from my perception either.
* I shook it and nothing screamed or exploded. It's probably not a creature or a grenade. It sounded like something really light or tiny might be inside, and given the size of the box, I suppose that makes sense.
* Small, only a few inches around
* A little dial marked by letters that spins
* Perhaps it is Phooka's ... It looks like it might be. Though I suppose it could be anyone's, really. I wonder if someone found it in the basement too.
* I wonder if you turn the dial to spell out the answer to get it open; it doesn't seem to open otherwise.
* It doesn't seem warded from my perception either.
* I shook it and nothing screamed or exploded. It's probably not a creature or a grenade. It sounded like something really light or tiny might be inside, and given the size of the box, I suppose that makes sense.
Riddle
* "A box without hinges, key or lid. Yet golden treasure inside is hid."
* Thoughts
* Thoughts
- Can't be the box itself, it clearly has a lid.
-Sylvari (not really a box though...)
-Chest (definitely has a lid / hinges)
-Pouch, purse, leaf
- Egg
-
-
-
- Egg
[The writing stops here as though the author got distracted.]
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