67,Zephyr, 1327
I sent the letter. [blot]
I don't know if I want to repeat everything here again or not, I... I likely should. Though I don't.. really want to think about it more. It just reminds me of.. before, and then trying to imagine it worse -[blot]
[spot]
But hopefully we can help the Valesongs soon.
[blot]
Oddly, I am unsure what I wish to record here. I called Syr and Tal. We did what we could. Syr was exhausted and I carried him. They [blot] They were both.. interested in the tendrils. I didn't say as much as I could have. They.. cannot keep Secrets, but. It was nice that the tendrils were.. appreciated and not thought of as disturbing. It is still a little bit embarrassing though.
Syr tried to distract them all at once, and almost all of them wrapped around his arms. He got stuck, and they were misbehaving, so I could not easily get them to let go. [spot] He didn't mind though. I just.. I sometimes think they like the attention, and like to be close to someone who will let them. I just don't always notice. I find myself smiling again at what happened after, because I was hungry so we got a jar of dried peaches to eat, but Syr was hungry too. ... And tied up. So I fed us both until they were gone. We then talked about moving, and how difficult it would be, like grubs wiggling across the floor. And how confused the humans would be to walk in and see that if we tried~ It was certainly an amusing thought.
[blot] I'm not entirely sure I understand Tal and Syr. It's not really something I think about much, perhaps Tal was just surprised that one time. I just didn't want to accidentally do anything that might upset him again, or Syr, I just don't know. I guess I know at least that feeding Syr peaches when he is tied up by tendrils won't bother him anyway. He was right though, it ultimately is his choice as to how close he lets someone be.
We [spot] eventually left and spoke about war. I.. [blot] I couldn't say that.. for some reason, talk of that subject seemed oddly familiar. That is a Secret. And it would've only brought more questions that are also Secrets. But I wonder why it seemed so.. [spot] It was like I knew I had more to say, somewhere, but I couldn't ever find it. It's strange to feel like something is familiar when you know it isn't. I wonder if I forgot. Though that.. [blot] That is a rather big thing to forget, and.. I don't think I would be able to that easily. Perhaps it is the same as with Abaddon. Even.. even just writing the name gives me that feeling, it is so strange. [spot]
When everyone wakes up, I will need to keep trying to see if I can find a way to.. keep myself better. So that I don't forget. I will need to find a way not to go nowhere. And I will need to find a way to learn what Ren would like me to learn. I still.. Some of the others may know, but I still don't want to tell them. I.. I knew it once. I can know it again. Perhaps it will be easier this time.
[blot] Lafey was very radiant last sun, but she seemed a little far blown. I want to stay with her more, to just sit with her and hold her, and perhaps do small things while we wait to do the bigger things. Perhaps we can make blanket forts in her home. Or perhaps I can show her how to make a book if she doesn't know, but it will have to be a Secret from Phooka for now, in case I make him one. [blot]Actually, perhaps I will make them both books, and then show them how, if they don't know already. We all like them. I.. I still wish to travel with her, to show her the Ruins, to go all those places, but I don't think she may necessarily want to go anywhere when everyone is still hurt. We will see.
I also wish to travel with Phooka. I wish to see more of him, to see all that I couldn't see before when he was recovering and cooped up inside. I want to show him how to listen to the Chaos, I want to dance with him, I want to go with him to places we probably shouldn't go. [blot] Ren too. I hope to drag them both together, I know Phooka wants to know him more but... [spot] now is not the time for that either, I don't think.
I am also interested in Phooka's Silence. I.. I have not spoken much to him of it for a while, though he has also not asked me either. I don't think he is entirely Quiet yet, but.. I do not know if he wishes to be. I should ask him. There is never a rush, and he can always go back, but if he wants to learn, I would like to teach him.
[blot]
My thoughts are a scattered pile of leaves. I guess I would just like them to be able to scatter again. When you choose to follow a different branch that may not seem very far from the one you'd like to know, you may find you keep splitting and splitting until you are on the other side of the tree. Reminding myself what I am after is a nice thought now and then. It's.. also needed when things are uncomfortable.
I sent the letter. [blot]
I don't know if I want to repeat everything here again or not, I... I likely should. Though I don't.. really want to think about it more. It just reminds me of.. before, and then trying to imagine it worse -[blot]
[spot]
But hopefully we can help the Valesongs soon.
[blot]
Oddly, I am unsure what I wish to record here. I called Syr and Tal. We did what we could. Syr was exhausted and I carried him. They [blot] They were both.. interested in the tendrils. I didn't say as much as I could have. They.. cannot keep Secrets, but. It was nice that the tendrils were.. appreciated and not thought of as disturbing. It is still a little bit embarrassing though.
Syr tried to distract them all at once, and almost all of them wrapped around his arms. He got stuck, and they were misbehaving, so I could not easily get them to let go. [spot] He didn't mind though. I just.. I sometimes think they like the attention, and like to be close to someone who will let them. I just don't always notice. I find myself smiling again at what happened after, because I was hungry so we got a jar of dried peaches to eat, but Syr was hungry too. ... And tied up. So I fed us both until they were gone. We then talked about moving, and how difficult it would be, like grubs wiggling across the floor. And how confused the humans would be to walk in and see that if we tried~ It was certainly an amusing thought.
[blot] I'm not entirely sure I understand Tal and Syr. It's not really something I think about much, perhaps Tal was just surprised that one time. I just didn't want to accidentally do anything that might upset him again, or Syr, I just don't know. I guess I know at least that feeding Syr peaches when he is tied up by tendrils won't bother him anyway. He was right though, it ultimately is his choice as to how close he lets someone be.
We [spot] eventually left and spoke about war. I.. [blot] I couldn't say that.. for some reason, talk of that subject seemed oddly familiar. That is a Secret. And it would've only brought more questions that are also Secrets. But I wonder why it seemed so.. [spot] It was like I knew I had more to say, somewhere, but I couldn't ever find it. It's strange to feel like something is familiar when you know it isn't. I wonder if I forgot. Though that.. [blot] That is a rather big thing to forget, and.. I don't think I would be able to that easily. Perhaps it is the same as with Abaddon. Even.. even just writing the name gives me that feeling, it is so strange. [spot]
When everyone wakes up, I will need to keep trying to see if I can find a way to.. keep myself better. So that I don't forget. I will need to find a way not to go nowhere. And I will need to find a way to learn what Ren would like me to learn. I still.. Some of the others may know, but I still don't want to tell them. I.. I knew it once. I can know it again. Perhaps it will be easier this time.
[blot] Lafey was very radiant last sun, but she seemed a little far blown. I want to stay with her more, to just sit with her and hold her, and perhaps do small things while we wait to do the bigger things. Perhaps we can make blanket forts in her home. Or perhaps I can show her how to make a book if she doesn't know, but it will have to be a Secret from Phooka for now, in case I make him one. [blot]Actually, perhaps I will make them both books, and then show them how, if they don't know already. We all like them. I.. I still wish to travel with her, to show her the Ruins, to go all those places, but I don't think she may necessarily want to go anywhere when everyone is still hurt. We will see.
I also wish to travel with Phooka. I wish to see more of him, to see all that I couldn't see before when he was recovering and cooped up inside. I want to show him how to listen to the Chaos, I want to dance with him, I want to go with him to places we probably shouldn't go. [blot] Ren too. I hope to drag them both together, I know Phooka wants to know him more but... [spot] now is not the time for that either, I don't think.
I am also interested in Phooka's Silence. I.. I have not spoken much to him of it for a while, though he has also not asked me either. I don't think he is entirely Quiet yet, but.. I do not know if he wishes to be. I should ask him. There is never a rush, and he can always go back, but if he wants to learn, I would like to teach him.
[blot]
My thoughts are a scattered pile of leaves. I guess I would just like them to be able to scatter again. When you choose to follow a different branch that may not seem very far from the one you'd like to know, you may find you keep splitting and splitting until you are on the other side of the tree. Reminding myself what I am after is a nice thought now and then. It's.. also needed when things are uncomfortable.
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