89, Zephyr, 1327
[blot]
[a couple more spots]
It is still such a grand feeling when I consider. I.. I don't suppose I actually expected it at all, really. I mean- I [a drawn blot that eventually becomes a little twirly squiggle] It is just exciting! It is very exciting, a warmth that is more than just warm, but like a dancing, tingling flare that runs through me whenever I think of it. I can feel it light my own glow, it makes me shiver a little in place.
[a few spots of ink here, that seem to have been made into little spirally designs]
The words do not contain the sorts of warm light running through me! How can I ever place this to proper memory when I cannot even explain to myself what it feels like? It is.. I just want to hold myself and to hold her, I want to hide and from her, never be hidden. The warmth reflects all around inside of me like dancing sparks, like I have met the gifts the sun wishes to give all that lives, and I carry them with me now, in those words she said.
She wished me to be one who she can always return to, one who she can speak to as she feels. One she wants to continue to love. I- It is [blot] It is just so important! She is so incredibly important. I feel full and brimming with that warmth, the Chaos runs across me in twirls, I.. I love her very much. I must! Look at me. I can never remember feeling such a grand feeling before. [another blot made swirly]
I cannot seem to keep in how pleased I am. Lafey is looking at me. She let me stay at her home, her new one! I am here now, I don't know if that means I can return again, but I.. I hope it does. I was so pleased to be able to stay with her. We[blot]
We are going to experiment soon. That is also exciting! I.. I was worried at first, but she seems really excited too, and to like the idea. I.. I will need to try, to meditate, to find the proper focus and will need her as well. Normally I would think it may be difficult, but I.. I feel I can place her, like I can find her easily, and speak to her, and it would not be so hard as it may with another. I trust her. She is certainly someone I choose to let know who I am. I will also need the item she chooses, if she wishes for a foci, so I might begin the connection of us between it. I may ask, see if she would like me to write it all down, so she may have memory of how it works. Writing it down is important for experiments, after all~ And then we can both have the knowledge. It would be grand to be able to speak with each other when far, and have it be only what we know~
We spoke of many other things too. She.. she has a surprise for me. And [blot]she was afraid I was drifting away, but I hope never to do that. I never want to do that. I.. I don't want to be lost to her like I have been to Ren. Ever. I now know my mistakes in waiting, and I have learned; it will not happen again. We spoke of that too, I.. told her what had been bothering me so much. She thought I should speak to Syr about it. Which.. well, I couldn't disagree. I had always thought I would speak to him about it, until he gave me that letter, then.. then, well, I didn't really know what to do. But I will.
She has much on her mind as well. I hope all who she needs to speak with receives her well. She was surprised to hear that she was soothing to talk to, but I know that it can be easy to forget things about yourself, so I tried to remind her. She thinks she is like a maze, though I don't think so, unless [blot] unless she is, but I rather like mazes and puzzles.
I also mentioned Ren to her, I don't recall how, but I did and she said she may speak to him. ... I cannot say exactly how that will be, but. Well, I trust what she might say if she chooses to. I've not tried everything yet, so.. There is that.
I would have liked us to speak more, to run about the ruins and explore them, so really /see/ the place, beyond just- [blot] Well, I.. I just get excited. I was just so excited for her to finally be there with me! But I think I perhaps went a little too fast for it to be entirely appreciated. I did take a long while to run all over the ruins and inspect them when I found them. Perhaps we can return again. I hope so. We need to go out more often.
I also mentioned what Nenia wished, which was to visit the Timberlines and that I thought I remembered some ruins out that way. I suggested we all go, it would be nice for the three of us and Ren to explore somewhere, like.. they had always wanted, and like Ren and I used to do. [spot]
Nenia is.. I am just very glad I finally got to speak with her. I have been worried about her in all this, and she.. she seems in a similar place as I, in worrying for her friends. She is a very kind person, and I was pleased she spoke with me as much as she did. I learned how she met both Ren and Lafey, how with Ren, the boys were small humans then, and they were brought to her home by their mother. They apparently even got in trouble then, which I am sure was fun to watch, and Nenia followed. She was surprised how they grew to be close, though.. I think that is just the sort of thing that allows for it. And Lafey, apparently, they read many stories when they were young. Almost like they shared a Dream together, though it was one they chose for themselves, and thus, I think, much more powerful. They both read stories and wished to go out and explore, it was when Nenia mentioned she was interested in the Timberlines, so I think it would be grand for us all to go and see what she had dreamed about. I'd never seen her quite that excited about something! I.. am glad she let me see that.
I hope she gets to speak with Lafey soon. I feel a bit wilted that I dragged Lafey away from her, but I know that Nenia mentioned she wouldn't be long. [blot] Of course, I thought that was not entirely true, just something that humans hide. From the way she spoke, and her concern, I figure that she had much she wanted to speak of. How is it ever easy to not wish more time with a friend? I hope she had a good time with everyone though, regardless. I certainly mentioned to Lafey that Nenia wished to talk with her.
[blot] Perhaps I can be friends with Nenia someday too.
She.. [spot] She gave me a hope again, that I.. I should be more forward, I should[spot] I shouldn't think that I am in their way. She told me to be stubborn with Ren, that I just have to be more stubborn than he is, and that.. that is how to be friends with him. I.. [blot] I wasn't sure, but then again, I have never seen him like this. She has known him for such a long time! She probably has more knowledge about him than I do, so I will try.
We both decided not to stand aside anymore. That friends are important, and we shouldn't think we are going to bother them until they tell us. I know it is hard, Lafey told me the same thing, and I always tried to think of it when I worried, but it was still.. [spot] difficult. To know that Nenia felt somewhat like that as well.. well, we can get through it together. We will both no longer think as bothering. I know they want to be around her, Lafey even said so, very clearly. They are the ones Ren cares for much more than he ever did me. Nenia should not feel as though she must keep herself aside, if she still does. I hope she doesn't.
[spot]
I am still bubbling laughter over my thoughts. I am not even writing about them anymore, but just thinking them is [blot] enough. [spot]
I need to find Phooka again next.
[some blots]
Oh, and I definitely drank more of that tea + cottencandy experiment than Androsace did. Also, Syr started it. Note to possibly give that to someone who has done something objectionable, OR who deserves to make a very ... memorable.. face. I think this is important to remember.
[blot]
[a couple more spots]
It is still such a grand feeling when I consider. I.. I don't suppose I actually expected it at all, really. I mean- I [a drawn blot that eventually becomes a little twirly squiggle] It is just exciting! It is very exciting, a warmth that is more than just warm, but like a dancing, tingling flare that runs through me whenever I think of it. I can feel it light my own glow, it makes me shiver a little in place.
Lafey said that she loved me~
[a few spots of ink here, that seem to have been made into little spirally designs]
The words do not contain the sorts of warm light running through me! How can I ever place this to proper memory when I cannot even explain to myself what it feels like? It is.. I just want to hold myself and to hold her, I want to hide and from her, never be hidden. The warmth reflects all around inside of me like dancing sparks, like I have met the gifts the sun wishes to give all that lives, and I carry them with me now, in those words she said.
She wished me to be one who she can always return to, one who she can speak to as she feels. One she wants to continue to love. I- It is [blot] It is just so important! She is so incredibly important. I feel full and brimming with that warmth, the Chaos runs across me in twirls, I.. I love her very much. I must! Look at me. I can never remember feeling such a grand feeling before. [another blot made swirly]
I cannot seem to keep in how pleased I am. Lafey is looking at me. She let me stay at her home, her new one! I am here now, I don't know if that means I can return again, but I.. I hope it does. I was so pleased to be able to stay with her. We[blot]
We are going to experiment soon. That is also exciting! I.. I was worried at first, but she seems really excited too, and to like the idea. I.. I will need to try, to meditate, to find the proper focus and will need her as well. Normally I would think it may be difficult, but I.. I feel I can place her, like I can find her easily, and speak to her, and it would not be so hard as it may with another. I trust her. She is certainly someone I choose to let know who I am. I will also need the item she chooses, if she wishes for a foci, so I might begin the connection of us between it. I may ask, see if she would like me to write it all down, so she may have memory of how it works. Writing it down is important for experiments, after all~ And then we can both have the knowledge. It would be grand to be able to speak with each other when far, and have it be only what we know~
We spoke of many other things too. She.. she has a surprise for me. And [blot]she was afraid I was drifting away, but I hope never to do that. I never want to do that. I.. I don't want to be lost to her like I have been to Ren. Ever. I now know my mistakes in waiting, and I have learned; it will not happen again. We spoke of that too, I.. told her what had been bothering me so much. She thought I should speak to Syr about it. Which.. well, I couldn't disagree. I had always thought I would speak to him about it, until he gave me that letter, then.. then, well, I didn't really know what to do. But I will.
She has much on her mind as well. I hope all who she needs to speak with receives her well. She was surprised to hear that she was soothing to talk to, but I know that it can be easy to forget things about yourself, so I tried to remind her. She thinks she is like a maze, though I don't think so, unless [blot] unless she is, but I rather like mazes and puzzles.
I also mentioned Ren to her, I don't recall how, but I did and she said she may speak to him. ... I cannot say exactly how that will be, but. Well, I trust what she might say if she chooses to. I've not tried everything yet, so.. There is that.
I would have liked us to speak more, to run about the ruins and explore them, so really /see/ the place, beyond just- [blot] Well, I.. I just get excited. I was just so excited for her to finally be there with me! But I think I perhaps went a little too fast for it to be entirely appreciated. I did take a long while to run all over the ruins and inspect them when I found them. Perhaps we can return again. I hope so. We need to go out more often.
I also mentioned what Nenia wished, which was to visit the Timberlines and that I thought I remembered some ruins out that way. I suggested we all go, it would be nice for the three of us and Ren to explore somewhere, like.. they had always wanted, and like Ren and I used to do. [spot]
Nenia is.. I am just very glad I finally got to speak with her. I have been worried about her in all this, and she.. she seems in a similar place as I, in worrying for her friends. She is a very kind person, and I was pleased she spoke with me as much as she did. I learned how she met both Ren and Lafey, how with Ren, the boys were small humans then, and they were brought to her home by their mother. They apparently even got in trouble then, which I am sure was fun to watch, and Nenia followed. She was surprised how they grew to be close, though.. I think that is just the sort of thing that allows for it. And Lafey, apparently, they read many stories when they were young. Almost like they shared a Dream together, though it was one they chose for themselves, and thus, I think, much more powerful. They both read stories and wished to go out and explore, it was when Nenia mentioned she was interested in the Timberlines, so I think it would be grand for us all to go and see what she had dreamed about. I'd never seen her quite that excited about something! I.. am glad she let me see that.
I hope she gets to speak with Lafey soon. I feel a bit wilted that I dragged Lafey away from her, but I know that Nenia mentioned she wouldn't be long. [blot] Of course, I thought that was not entirely true, just something that humans hide. From the way she spoke, and her concern, I figure that she had much she wanted to speak of. How is it ever easy to not wish more time with a friend? I hope she had a good time with everyone though, regardless. I certainly mentioned to Lafey that Nenia wished to talk with her.
[blot] Perhaps I can be friends with Nenia someday too.
She.. [spot] She gave me a hope again, that I.. I should be more forward, I should[spot] I shouldn't think that I am in their way. She told me to be stubborn with Ren, that I just have to be more stubborn than he is, and that.. that is how to be friends with him. I.. [blot] I wasn't sure, but then again, I have never seen him like this. She has known him for such a long time! She probably has more knowledge about him than I do, so I will try.
We both decided not to stand aside anymore. That friends are important, and we shouldn't think we are going to bother them until they tell us. I know it is hard, Lafey told me the same thing, and I always tried to think of it when I worried, but it was still.. [spot] difficult. To know that Nenia felt somewhat like that as well.. well, we can get through it together. We will both no longer think as bothering. I know they want to be around her, Lafey even said so, very clearly. They are the ones Ren cares for much more than he ever did me. Nenia should not feel as though she must keep herself aside, if she still does. I hope she doesn't.
[spot]
I am still bubbling laughter over my thoughts. I am not even writing about them anymore, but just thinking them is [blot] enough. [spot]
I need to find Phooka again next.
[some blots]
Oh, and I definitely drank more of that tea + cottencandy experiment than Androsace did. Also, Syr started it. Note to possibly give that to someone who has done something objectionable, OR who deserves to make a very ... memorable.. face. I think this is important to remember.
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