[There is a rusted, small piece of metal that seems 'tied' into the journal by strange golden weeds, in addition to what looks like some kind of sap holding it in place, before the actual entry begins. The weeds poke through the pages, but only tie through one, as the pages themselves are all rather thick and sturdy enough to hold through this kind of treatment.]
45,Zephyr, 1327
Remember that it is not a fault of your own, but something happening with another as to why they leave.
[blot]
It was clear for a while how upset they were. I do wish I could have been there, but I think they found their ways to bloom in other places. I [spot] didn't want to drive them away. I must consider I am likely not so trusted either. I have troubles with words at times. I have lost a lot, perhaps a lot that could have helped them. I am not as intelligent as some. I do not really have a place. [blot] But I will do what I can to keep them all from slipping, if they would like me to.
I wondered if I will find what I seek here. I know I have found much. I know I am not as I began. But will this show me the Rules? Will I find them so I can find what I have lost and make it my own instead of what was? There is so much more to consider, but it often slips through my hands. All that I try, another finds a better way. Or it is something to wait on, not now. And it doesn't return. I wish to learn, to be able to be something to those I have found matter, but I am not sure if I will ever catch up. [blot]
It was easier to be myself for myself, when that was enough. Is it still enough?[spot] We can only do what we can do, we will grow what we grow, but there are always ways to learn more. I have stepped away. And coming back is strange. I still don't know if I like it all.
Running outside would be grand, but I cannot ask Ren for that while he is hurt. I would like him to grow better, but I can do little for him too. I [blot] would try to make him a pie, but I am not sure how well that would go either. It may only make him worse. I worry for him, even when Nenia says he will be alright. Something about him... has been different. Or perhaps I am wrong. I was wrong about Lafey too.
I enjoy that she comes to speak with me. [large ink blot]
It is a strange thing, to watch others that are so close. And it is difficult to know if I would like that too, or if I would rather continue in my silence. I always thought I would keep to the quiet until I was ready to really bloom again, but now I am not sure. I feel tugs on my branches that then subside into wind. It, at times.. feels horrible to be half-bloomed, and realize you cannot yet be all you know you can be. But that is just me and what I am right now. That.. I am considered at all is a rather grand thing.
[spot]
Remember not to live for others, but for yourself, and if you wish to share your Secrets with them, it is what you have to give. Remember always to have a Choice. I feel like I may be forgetting these things. What I do, I will do because I wish it; not because I must, not because I wasn't given a choice. There is always more than one option. There is always another way. Each way has consequences, but they cannot fully be known until that breeze passes.
Others have come here. Kaiya.. is not well either, and I hope she improves. I need to speak with Phooka when I can. I know that, perhaps, at least there, I can give him a choice that may mean something.
Also, there will be blankets soon. I am excited for that~
45,Zephyr, 1327
Remember that it is not a fault of your own, but something happening with another as to why they leave.
[blot]
It was clear for a while how upset they were. I do wish I could have been there, but I think they found their ways to bloom in other places. I [spot] didn't want to drive them away. I must consider I am likely not so trusted either. I have troubles with words at times. I have lost a lot, perhaps a lot that could have helped them. I am not as intelligent as some. I do not really have a place. [blot] But I will do what I can to keep them all from slipping, if they would like me to.
I wondered if I will find what I seek here. I know I have found much. I know I am not as I began. But will this show me the Rules? Will I find them so I can find what I have lost and make it my own instead of what was? There is so much more to consider, but it often slips through my hands. All that I try, another finds a better way. Or it is something to wait on, not now. And it doesn't return. I wish to learn, to be able to be something to those I have found matter, but I am not sure if I will ever catch up. [blot]
It was easier to be myself for myself, when that was enough. Is it still enough?[spot] We can only do what we can do, we will grow what we grow, but there are always ways to learn more. I have stepped away. And coming back is strange. I still don't know if I like it all.
Running outside would be grand, but I cannot ask Ren for that while he is hurt. I would like him to grow better, but I can do little for him too. I [blot] would try to make him a pie, but I am not sure how well that would go either. It may only make him worse. I worry for him, even when Nenia says he will be alright. Something about him... has been different. Or perhaps I am wrong. I was wrong about Lafey too.
I enjoy that she comes to speak with me. [large ink blot]
It is a strange thing, to watch others that are so close. And it is difficult to know if I would like that too, or if I would rather continue in my silence. I always thought I would keep to the quiet until I was ready to really bloom again, but now I am not sure. I feel tugs on my branches that then subside into wind. It, at times.. feels horrible to be half-bloomed, and realize you cannot yet be all you know you can be. But that is just me and what I am right now. That.. I am considered at all is a rather grand thing.
[spot]
Remember not to live for others, but for yourself, and if you wish to share your Secrets with them, it is what you have to give. Remember always to have a Choice. I feel like I may be forgetting these things. What I do, I will do because I wish it; not because I must, not because I wasn't given a choice. There is always more than one option. There is always another way. Each way has consequences, but they cannot fully be known until that breeze passes.
Others have come here. Kaiya.. is not well either, and I hope she improves. I need to speak with Phooka when I can. I know that, perhaps, at least there, I can give him a choice that may mean something.
Also, there will be blankets soon. I am excited for that~
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