[ Several letters are folded into these pages here.]
36,Zephyr, 1327
[an ink blot]
Ren certainly did not know my opinion on the matter. I worry for him. I do not remember what it was like, to feel the need to go through such a thing as I did, but it must have been dire. I do not know his Secrets, but what he says of them... I only hope I can help him be as he wishes to be. I know I have kept most of my recollection in terms of my abilities, the ins and outs, the winding branches of knowledge around my magic. I am far more apt at that than nearly anything else, where I have been... behind. However.
That knowledge is something I have lost. The knowledge of how to do what I have done. If it was my choice, why would I choose to lose that? It seems like intriguing knowledge to have, even if it is not to be used. Did I choose to lose that? ... Did something go wrong?
It is troubling in itself. I had decided long ago, I'd prefer not to touch what I had left behind. "Know that your sacrifices are worth your freedom." ... And yet.. "Find all the knowledge that you seek." If it is what I seek.. perhaps I will find more, and not what, if anything, I wished to avoid. Perhaps I will find why. Perhaps he will change his mind. Perhaps the time will be enough. "Always have a Choice." There will be no loss of choice here. We will have it all the way.
I only must figure out how to go about this. It is difficult to find knowledge on something you know little about, and something that may not be... [spot] wise to let others know you are searching for. I really have forgotten most of it. I've only the faintest inclinations, which are hardly something to consider rooted and sturdy. Furthermore.. how would I even test and try such a thing? So much could go wrong. . . [ink blot] Perhaps I will begin with meditations. While I have perfected my meditation of Silence, there are other meditations I feel I have completely ignored. Perhaps they will give me insight. I imagine it may be a combination of all the branches; Bending the current reality, a solid Illusion of the will, planting the seeds of a Second Self, and achieved through, perhaps, a ritual of meditation; I will need to look back, retrace all of what I felt when I awakened anew as myself that day. It may give me some further leaflet of where to begin.
[blot]
I have not yet written to Kaiya, as much else has been on my mind, but since I now know I was correct in my guessing, I will certainly do so. A strange thing it will be, working on two opposites. [ink spot] But perhaps one may inform the other. It will be seen.
By a different branch.. [spot] I feel full of warm sunlight when I consider her words of wishing friendship. I ran from the tranquil ruins back to the city of humans when I received her letter, though I did not know she would be waiting. We spoke of several offshoots then, I of my time in solitude, and she seemed quite interested in the ruins and occurrences I had experienced there. Their books are like our dreams, only they can choose what it is they would like to know, when to stop, when to return again. Though.. it seems only some humans keep this choice and prevent others from it. Why would they do such a thing? It is somewhat sorrowful that they would have such a lovely freedom, and would even still hide it from others by means of being greater or lesser.
She wanted just to be, and said that how she could outside of her city was enough. I.. I wished to take her far then, to everywhere else she could just be. That she may be free to be as she wishes to be, without the constraints of what surrounds her, without what others say she must do. Let her find her own rules, I thought, and then bend them the way she'd like. But I did not know if that would be too brash. It is a part of how they are, I do not wish to tread on something I hardly understand.
But then she asked for my friendship, and I.. I did not expect she would wish such a thing. She said I have given her insight, but I feel I have done little but be far behind and strange. I hope the insights and changes in thought were something she enjoyed. I cannot express the warmth I feel to have.. another who would call me friend. Perhaps I will need to ask them what it means to them, to be a friend.Ren returned as well.. perhaps once I know, I can compare to my notions and..[blot] call them the same.
The largest looking letter:
Xsaiavlairnn,
I received this letter tardy, as a grawl who was more interested in the messenger bird than the long drop off the bridge over Mistriven Gorge went over, bird in hand. The next few hours involved an artful decline to the bottom of the ravine without breaking my own neck amidst the snow and ice, and I admit to wondering, not for the first--nor last--time why I have ever decided the Shiverpeaks are a desirable place to find myself. [inkblot] I imagine I earned the ill timing, however.
The book in question appeared to be more of a journal, though rather than written word it supplied a vision of the contents--at least in part. For my part, it was narrated by a voice I did not recognize, and the scene set in the elaborate illusion was one of several Charr, and perhaps a cave-in. The magic certainly seems akin to something you could create, though I am uncertain as to the extent of Mesmeric magics insofar as the translation between illusory doubles and illusory memories.
If you recognize the book, you are as ever free to contact Kaiya and inquire further, else I would accompany you and we might solve the mystery together.[inkblot] Assuming of course you still wished my aid for this. You also have use of my creations should you wish to pursue your experiments with them further, as I remain curious as to the results, even if they prove unstable. It was a strange sensation when the magic was in them, and while I think I could have held the creature together with more effort, I am glad you dissuaded me from becoming the first test subject. I have no such control over keeping my own living tissue together.
[inkblot, and several lingering dots as though the writer attempted and failed to start the next part, before the writing continues.] I apologise for my behaviour the other day. I know your opinion on the matter, but I believe some memories are best left forgotten, and somehow the ones I wish to forget most always seem to rise up at the worst moment. I like to believe I have a handle on them, but it seems the opposite is still true--they very much have a handle on me. I needed some time to cool my head, and should be back around Garrenhoff within the next few days.
I am, as always, available by letter, should you still wish to contact me.
-R
I received this letter tardy, as a grawl who was more interested in the messenger bird than the long drop off the bridge over Mistriven Gorge went over, bird in hand. The next few hours involved an artful decline to the bottom of the ravine without breaking my own neck amidst the snow and ice, and I admit to wondering, not for the first--nor last--time why I have ever decided the Shiverpeaks are a desirable place to find myself. [inkblot] I imagine I earned the ill timing, however.
The book in question appeared to be more of a journal, though rather than written word it supplied a vision of the contents--at least in part. For my part, it was narrated by a voice I did not recognize, and the scene set in the elaborate illusion was one of several Charr, and perhaps a cave-in. The magic certainly seems akin to something you could create, though I am uncertain as to the extent of Mesmeric magics insofar as the translation between illusory doubles and illusory memories.
If you recognize the book, you are as ever free to contact Kaiya and inquire further, else I would accompany you and we might solve the mystery together.[inkblot] Assuming of course you still wished my aid for this. You also have use of my creations should you wish to pursue your experiments with them further, as I remain curious as to the results, even if they prove unstable. It was a strange sensation when the magic was in them, and while I think I could have held the creature together with more effort, I am glad you dissuaded me from becoming the first test subject. I have no such control over keeping my own living tissue together.
[inkblot, and several lingering dots as though the writer attempted and failed to start the next part, before the writing continues.] I apologise for my behaviour the other day. I know your opinion on the matter, but I believe some memories are best left forgotten, and somehow the ones I wish to forget most always seem to rise up at the worst moment. I like to believe I have a handle on them, but it seems the opposite is still true--they very much have a handle on me. I needed some time to cool my head, and should be back around Garrenhoff within the next few days.
I am, as always, available by letter, should you still wish to contact me.
-R
A smaller letter by the same hand:
Xsaiavlairnn,
I spoke to Kaiya of the journal, and it seems it has piqued her interest. She wishes for you to send her a message concerning it. Apologies for the brevity of this message, but I am due for some rest of my own. Hopefully this finds you well and not devoured by any of the numerous ooze prowling the ruins while you took your Silence.
-R
I spoke to Kaiya of the journal, and it seems it has piqued her interest. She wishes for you to send her a message concerning it. Apologies for the brevity of this message, but I am due for some rest of my own. Hopefully this finds you well and not devoured by any of the numerous ooze prowling the ruins while you took your Silence.
-R
A different, lavender scented letter:
((The letter is written in a neat and flowy New Krytan and smells faintly of lavender and something similar to iron.))
Xsaiavlairnn,
I received both of your letters. I apologize for not writing back to you but I found myself busy. For instance, today Phooka taught me how to mend one of his mechanical birds.
I'm afraid I've been unable to reach where you are. I tried but the way there is far too dangerous for just me. I hope this message finds you well. I assume due to your choice to be solitary that you are not overly lonely as there's a great difference between lonely and alone. Should you ever feel the need for company my door should be open to you not to mention I'd like to see the ruins you speak of one day.
Bloom well,
Lafeyette
Xsaiavlairnn,
I received both of your letters. I apologize for not writing back to you but I found myself busy. For instance, today Phooka taught me how to mend one of his mechanical birds.
I'm afraid I've been unable to reach where you are. I tried but the way there is far too dangerous for just me. I hope this message finds you well. I assume due to your choice to be solitary that you are not overly lonely as there's a great difference between lonely and alone. Should you ever feel the need for company my door should be open to you not to mention I'd like to see the ruins you speak of one day.
Bloom well,
Lafeyette
36,Zephyr, 1327
[an ink blot]
Ren certainly did not know my opinion on the matter. I worry for him. I do not remember what it was like, to feel the need to go through such a thing as I did, but it must have been dire. I do not know his Secrets, but what he says of them... I only hope I can help him be as he wishes to be. I know I have kept most of my recollection in terms of my abilities, the ins and outs, the winding branches of knowledge around my magic. I am far more apt at that than nearly anything else, where I have been... behind. However.
That knowledge is something I have lost. The knowledge of how to do what I have done. If it was my choice, why would I choose to lose that? It seems like intriguing knowledge to have, even if it is not to be used. Did I choose to lose that? ... Did something go wrong?
It is troubling in itself. I had decided long ago, I'd prefer not to touch what I had left behind. "Know that your sacrifices are worth your freedom." ... And yet.. "Find all the knowledge that you seek." If it is what I seek.. perhaps I will find more, and not what, if anything, I wished to avoid. Perhaps I will find why. Perhaps he will change his mind. Perhaps the time will be enough. "Always have a Choice." There will be no loss of choice here. We will have it all the way.
I only must figure out how to go about this. It is difficult to find knowledge on something you know little about, and something that may not be... [spot] wise to let others know you are searching for. I really have forgotten most of it. I've only the faintest inclinations, which are hardly something to consider rooted and sturdy. Furthermore.. how would I even test and try such a thing? So much could go wrong. . . [ink blot] Perhaps I will begin with meditations. While I have perfected my meditation of Silence, there are other meditations I feel I have completely ignored. Perhaps they will give me insight. I imagine it may be a combination of all the branches; Bending the current reality, a solid Illusion of the will, planting the seeds of a Second Self, and achieved through, perhaps, a ritual of meditation; I will need to look back, retrace all of what I felt when I awakened anew as myself that day. It may give me some further leaflet of where to begin.
[blot]
I have not yet written to Kaiya, as much else has been on my mind, but since I now know I was correct in my guessing, I will certainly do so. A strange thing it will be, working on two opposites. [ink spot] But perhaps one may inform the other. It will be seen.
By a different branch.. [spot] I feel full of warm sunlight when I consider her words of wishing friendship. I ran from the tranquil ruins back to the city of humans when I received her letter, though I did not know she would be waiting. We spoke of several offshoots then, I of my time in solitude, and she seemed quite interested in the ruins and occurrences I had experienced there. Their books are like our dreams, only they can choose what it is they would like to know, when to stop, when to return again. Though.. it seems only some humans keep this choice and prevent others from it. Why would they do such a thing? It is somewhat sorrowful that they would have such a lovely freedom, and would even still hide it from others by means of being greater or lesser.
She wanted just to be, and said that how she could outside of her city was enough. I.. I wished to take her far then, to everywhere else she could just be. That she may be free to be as she wishes to be, without the constraints of what surrounds her, without what others say she must do. Let her find her own rules, I thought, and then bend them the way she'd like. But I did not know if that would be too brash. It is a part of how they are, I do not wish to tread on something I hardly understand.
But then she asked for my friendship, and I.. I did not expect she would wish such a thing. She said I have given her insight, but I feel I have done little but be far behind and strange. I hope the insights and changes in thought were something she enjoyed. I cannot express the warmth I feel to have.. another who would call me friend. Perhaps I will need to ask them what it means to them, to be a friend.Ren returned as well.. perhaps once I know, I can compare to my notions and..[blot] call them the same.
No comments:
Post a Comment