9, Phoenix, 1327
It is strange that I have not written so long [blot] I realized I didn't know the date when I thought I did. How.. long were we out after those experiments..? I considered, and that seems to have been the only point when I lost track of time[streak, spot]
Anyway, I [spot] I've not written for a while, I suppose because we were laying about on the floor. Something happened with some experiments Lafey and were working on, it certainly didn't do what she wanted it to.
And then after that I have.. [blot] Just been writing elsewhere. I was quite tired of writing, really. And it's not any stretch of memory to imagine what it is to be writing memories all sun and night, so.. I simply didn't note it until now. Something strange happened when I fell asleep. I [spot] I think Syr tried to move me for some reason, and couldn't carry me, so we fell down the stairs. I.. didn't actually wake up, but [blot] well, I don't wake easy. It's actually.. somewhat disconcerting, really, that someone could just carry me away and I wouldn't notice, AND throw me down the stairs and.. I still wouldn't notice, but. [spot] It's.. how it's always been. At least since . . .[a few blots] Since then. But that isn't what I need to write about.
Earlier this sun a number of things occurred that were more interesting than writing for hours and falling down stairs while asleep. (I would, prefer actually, to not be.. moved around without my knowing, it's a little odd, but [spot] anyway) Lafey and Phooka came by to check on my progress with the archives. [spot] I'm still not finished, it was a somewhat painful reminder of how I am not necessarily quick enough at this.I'll need to Actually, I probably won't. But it would still be nice to know how to write such things quicker. Aside from that, though, Lafey brought a tiny bird that she found with her. She didn't say it, but I believe its family had been eaten by a cat, and it was the only one remaining.
It was somewhat sad, but still fascinating to see such a tiny bird up close! Everything that grows is so intriguing; sylvari don't grow the same way everything else does. When things are tiny, they start out very unusual looking, before eventually growing into what we see more often for longer amounts of time. It seems, only when they can take care of themselves, when they can be who they are in a much higher capacity, do they stop growing so different on the outside. The reflection is so interesting.
The tiny bird needed attention, and to be fed. Phooka made a quick, temporary not-quite-home for it to stay in that warmed itself, and we brought it with us while we went to search for worms for it to eat. He thought it was a.. corvus something. I forgot the rest of it, I'll have to ask him.
When out, we spoke of where the Knights are rooted. Phooka mentioned perhaps disbanding. At least for now. [blot] All branches considered, I think that may be a wise choice. Everyone seems so hurt, scattered, but not necessarily because they want to be away from each other, but because they are looking for pieces of themselves they've lost. We have been doing these things, taking each of these pains along with us, and trying to press forward -[streak] but why? What we've done is not.. what we were told, exactly, that we'd be doing. And in speaking to Phooka, I was.. incredibly surprised to learn that, right now, it isn't known if there are any more Knights out there, where they once resided, or even who they were.
How can there not be? How can a group that had done such powerful things in the past, have no one remaining? No place in which they operated, no traces..? Were they all wiped out? And by what? How was it even started again, with no one remaining? Why was it started, how did anyone even know about them? Should we not know what we're a part of, what we have actually been fighting for? That.. that has bothered me for so long, that I didn't know. But I thought, at least, that it wasthere. Now.. it doesn't seem so clear in the winds that it is.
It is a thing of Chaos to be fighting without a goal. And it is not always wise to listen to the Chaos.
In speaking about this, it seemed to spark something in Phooka's mind. He said he may go out searching for this place on his own and allow for disbanding in the meantime. That, I think, would be wise, and I would still wish to help him. Perhaps not as a Knight, but as a friend who is curious to see just where this will go. Allow everyone their own Choices, don't make them feel bound in name if they would rather not be, because bound under the restriction of name is not the same as making the Choice to follow. I.. [blot] I think as much as it was perpetuated to be one's Choice, it.. slowly became more a matter of 'survival'. It's what the actions have proven, and it's difficult to think otherwise. I believe that clearing it all away might make how it is all a Choice shine brighter; not for the sake of the Order, but for the sake of those who matter feeling some relief to find what they'd like of themselves. And if such a place and history is discovered, not only will knowledge be gained, but if any want to take up the seeds to start whatever kind of legacy has been left anew, they can.. with Knowledge. Not blind.
I think it is a good idea. Everyone can have time to find what they have lost track of with themselves, everyone can still come together if they wish to, and for those that still wish to see what it was they were a part of, there will be exploration and knowledge seeking; what we wished for in the first place, but under no pretense of restriction. Or none of that, but they are free to choose without feeling held by some title.
We returned after a time, and I went back out again with Phooka, as he seemed.. upset. Well, Lafey did a bit too, but I think she left for a time. I spoke with him about how he felt about the Order, and what it was that drove him most, what inspired him, what it was he wanted to seek and do with himself beyond all else. He said he would like to learn and understand everything, to create things that were good and could help people, to learn and understand as much as he was able, and even create new Rules. He thought the Order would give him that.. but I told him it was only one possible way, and that there are many. He should not feel so bound, like he is nothing more than his labwork without the Order. Because he is not! He is a grand flame, a bright light, and a brilliant creator. He brings life where there is little, and is so incredibly intelligent and lovely... he is himself, and it is magnificent. Labwork alone can never be all those things, as excellent as it may be.
His goals are excellent, and I would like to be with him to see at least some of them through. Perhaps even just.. to help him there a little. I wish him to find what he seeks, and I know if he remembers to look, he will find it.
Lafey came back to us not long later. By the winds, they are both such brilliant creators! She made for him a small jade Phooka, one to help with his elemental training, and to keep the lovely sculptures he's made of us from ice company. Most other selves that I create will shatter eventually but [blot] I just do not have the words for how exquisite what they can create is. It was very exciting, just to see. Lafey thinks Phooka may be able to animate it, like he can the others, and I would love to see this! I'll also have to remember that she said she thought he might be able to float... I bet I can as well! I think sometime, when everything is sorted, we should both try and see what happens.
Oh! And I was able to carry back with us and name the bird. I called him (or her?) Vathen, because it was thought s/he may be a raven, and.. Ravens, to norn are highly intelligent, connected with riddles and wit. Vathen sounds like a smart name, a mischievous, but witty one. We'll have to see though if Vathen is as clever as I think s/he might be.
It is strange that I have not written so long [blot] I realized I didn't know the date when I thought I did. How.. long were we out after those experiments..? I considered, and that seems to have been the only point when I lost track of time[streak, spot]
Anyway, I [spot] I've not written for a while, I suppose because we were laying about on the floor. Something happened with some experiments Lafey and were working on, it certainly didn't do what she wanted it to.
And then after that I have.. [blot] Just been writing elsewhere. I was quite tired of writing, really. And it's not any stretch of memory to imagine what it is to be writing memories all sun and night, so.. I simply didn't note it until now. Something strange happened when I fell asleep. I [spot] I think Syr tried to move me for some reason, and couldn't carry me, so we fell down the stairs. I.. didn't actually wake up, but [blot] well, I don't wake easy. It's actually.. somewhat disconcerting, really, that someone could just carry me away and I wouldn't notice, AND throw me down the stairs and.. I still wouldn't notice, but. [spot] It's.. how it's always been. At least since . . .[a few blots] Since then. But that isn't what I need to write about.
Earlier this sun a number of things occurred that were more interesting than writing for hours and falling down stairs while asleep. (I would, prefer actually, to not be.. moved around without my knowing, it's a little odd, but [spot] anyway) Lafey and Phooka came by to check on my progress with the archives. [spot] I'm still not finished, it was a somewhat painful reminder of how I am not necessarily quick enough at this.
It was somewhat sad, but still fascinating to see such a tiny bird up close! Everything that grows is so intriguing; sylvari don't grow the same way everything else does. When things are tiny, they start out very unusual looking, before eventually growing into what we see more often for longer amounts of time. It seems, only when they can take care of themselves, when they can be who they are in a much higher capacity, do they stop growing so different on the outside. The reflection is so interesting.
The tiny bird needed attention, and to be fed. Phooka made a quick, temporary not-quite-home for it to stay in that warmed itself, and we brought it with us while we went to search for worms for it to eat. He thought it was a.. corvus something. I forgot the rest of it, I'll have to ask him.
When out, we spoke of where the Knights are rooted. Phooka mentioned perhaps disbanding. At least for now. [blot] All branches considered, I think that may be a wise choice. Everyone seems so hurt, scattered, but not necessarily because they want to be away from each other, but because they are looking for pieces of themselves they've lost. We have been doing these things, taking each of these pains along with us, and trying to press forward -[streak] but why? What we've done is not.. what we were told, exactly, that we'd be doing. And in speaking to Phooka, I was.. incredibly surprised to learn that, right now, it isn't known if there are any more Knights out there, where they once resided, or even who they were.
How can there not be? How can a group that had done such powerful things in the past, have no one remaining? No place in which they operated, no traces..? Were they all wiped out? And by what? How was it even started again, with no one remaining? Why was it started, how did anyone even know about them? Should we not know what we're a part of, what we have actually been fighting for? That.. that has bothered me for so long, that I didn't know. But I thought, at least, that it wasthere. Now.. it doesn't seem so clear in the winds that it is.
It is a thing of Chaos to be fighting without a goal. And it is not always wise to listen to the Chaos.
In speaking about this, it seemed to spark something in Phooka's mind. He said he may go out searching for this place on his own and allow for disbanding in the meantime. That, I think, would be wise, and I would still wish to help him. Perhaps not as a Knight, but as a friend who is curious to see just where this will go. Allow everyone their own Choices, don't make them feel bound in name if they would rather not be, because bound under the restriction of name is not the same as making the Choice to follow. I.. [blot] I think as much as it was perpetuated to be one's Choice, it.. slowly became more a matter of 'survival'. It's what the actions have proven, and it's difficult to think otherwise. I believe that clearing it all away might make how it is all a Choice shine brighter; not for the sake of the Order, but for the sake of those who matter feeling some relief to find what they'd like of themselves. And if such a place and history is discovered, not only will knowledge be gained, but if any want to take up the seeds to start whatever kind of legacy has been left anew, they can.. with Knowledge. Not blind.
I think it is a good idea. Everyone can have time to find what they have lost track of with themselves, everyone can still come together if they wish to, and for those that still wish to see what it was they were a part of, there will be exploration and knowledge seeking; what we wished for in the first place, but under no pretense of restriction. Or none of that, but they are free to choose without feeling held by some title.
We returned after a time, and I went back out again with Phooka, as he seemed.. upset. Well, Lafey did a bit too, but I think she left for a time. I spoke with him about how he felt about the Order, and what it was that drove him most, what inspired him, what it was he wanted to seek and do with himself beyond all else. He said he would like to learn and understand everything, to create things that were good and could help people, to learn and understand as much as he was able, and even create new Rules. He thought the Order would give him that.. but I told him it was only one possible way, and that there are many. He should not feel so bound, like he is nothing more than his labwork without the Order. Because he is not! He is a grand flame, a bright light, and a brilliant creator. He brings life where there is little, and is so incredibly intelligent and lovely... he is himself, and it is magnificent. Labwork alone can never be all those things, as excellent as it may be.
His goals are excellent, and I would like to be with him to see at least some of them through. Perhaps even just.. to help him there a little. I wish him to find what he seeks, and I know if he remembers to look, he will find it.
Lafey came back to us not long later. By the winds, they are both such brilliant creators! She made for him a small jade Phooka, one to help with his elemental training, and to keep the lovely sculptures he's made of us from ice company. Most other selves that I create will shatter eventually but [blot] I just do not have the words for how exquisite what they can create is. It was very exciting, just to see. Lafey thinks Phooka may be able to animate it, like he can the others, and I would love to see this! I'll also have to remember that she said she thought he might be able to float... I bet I can as well! I think sometime, when everything is sorted, we should both try and see what happens.
Oh! And I was able to carry back with us and name the bird. I called him (or her?) Vathen, because it was thought s/he may be a raven, and.. Ravens, to norn are highly intelligent, connected with riddles and wit. Vathen sounds like a smart name, a mischievous, but witty one. We'll have to see though if Vathen is as clever as I think s/he might be.
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