[There is a rolled letter that's been flattened into the pages here, though is still in a roll and needs to be fussed with a bit to get open.]
[The writing is a bit more neat in the entry under the letter, and looks familiar to the previous script of the book's usual author, but is still quite jagged and somewhat 'aggressive' in places. In others, it seems rather tiny lacking that 'aggression' at all. There are a number of blots and look like smears on the page, as though something damp had gotten on it and was wiped away.]
55,Zephyr, 1327
[large ink blot, smear]
I don't know [streak] quite what to write here, but I know I have to remember. I.. I don't think I will forget, but I have to be sure-[streak blot]
Why is there so much pain? Why did this have to happen? Right now, I can't do anymore than ask these questions to a book of Secrets which will never give me the answers. [blot] But look what it's done. It.. [streak, smear] It was never like this. He was never like this.. [spot]
He says I [smear]m was like a light for him. That I.. continue to grow brighter, but.. I do not feel like one. I.. I have tried, and in some places, I think I've done well, but -[streak] I don't think he can find me anymore. I think he just calls out from the darkness to me now, and neither of us can really see each other in it, but-[smear]but then he will go quiet. And I [spot] I will search forever, but I don't know if I'll be able to find him. Not-[blot]
[ink spot]
Not with things as they are now.
[tiny spot]
So they will have to stop being as they are now.
I..[blot] I am done with allowing this to happen. I am done with letting them twist us, Ren, Lafey, Phooka, Nenia, Kaiya, any of us. Look at what it's done. How can I stand for this? I cannot. He is in so much pain, as is she, as am I; I am only spreading suffering now. They all have to watch or look away.
AND I WANT IT TO STOP.
[large ink blot]
It will be stopped. It will end, and I will see to it, one way or another. And..[blot]
Then I will find them again.
[small spot]
I won't leave. I will never throw them away either.
They're my friends. And I will see this end, see the pain of it end, or give all my Choice in trying.
The creased, rolled letter:
Xsaiavlairnn,
I cannot give you the truths about myself that you are seeking, but it is through no fault of yours. That is one truth I can give you. The others are your truths, though I suspect you do not see them.
You are very bright. When we met, I still had the call of Lion's Arch in my mind, and I thought of you as a lighthouse, a point I could see no matter how lost I was. Not a perfect comparison by any means, considering we were often lost together, but for as long as I was alone, meeting you again each time in a different place was like finding my way in the dark.
The others here have seen the same thing I did, and you've become even brighter. You have lost a part of yourself, some of your own choice and some not, but your brightness only grows, reflected on the lives of the others you've touched.
You are my friend. I could not answer you not [inkblot] because I didn't think so, but because it hurts sometimes to think it. It is a hurt I will have to endure, because I will not try to make you believe again that it is not so. You are my friend, Xsaiavlairnn. It hurts to admit it but not more than it would hurt to lose it completely.
I am sorry.
-R
I cannot give you the truths about myself that you are seeking, but it is through no fault of yours. That is one truth I can give you. The others are your truths, though I suspect you do not see them.
You are very bright. When we met, I still had the call of Lion's Arch in my mind, and I thought of you as a lighthouse, a point I could see no matter how lost I was. Not a perfect comparison by any means, considering we were often lost together, but for as long as I was alone, meeting you again each time in a different place was like finding my way in the dark.
The others here have seen the same thing I did, and you've become even brighter. You have lost a part of yourself, some of your own choice and some not, but your brightness only grows, reflected on the lives of the others you've touched.
You are my friend. I could not answer you not [inkblot] because I didn't think so, but because it hurts sometimes to think it. It is a hurt I will have to endure, because I will not try to make you believe again that it is not so. You are my friend, Xsaiavlairnn. It hurts to admit it but not more than it would hurt to lose it completely.
I am sorry.
-R
[The writing is a bit more neat in the entry under the letter, and looks familiar to the previous script of the book's usual author, but is still quite jagged and somewhat 'aggressive' in places. In others, it seems rather tiny lacking that 'aggression' at all. There are a number of blots and look like smears on the page, as though something damp had gotten on it and was wiped away.]
55,Zephyr, 1327
[large ink blot, smear]
I don't know [streak] quite what to write here, but I know I have to remember. I.. I don't think I will forget, but I have to be sure-[streak blot]
Why is there so much pain? Why did this have to happen? Right now, I can't do anymore than ask these questions to a book of Secrets which will never give me the answers. [blot] But look what it's done. It.. [streak, smear] It was never like this. He was never like this.. [spot]
He says I [smear]
[ink spot]
Not with things as they are now.
[tiny spot]
So they will have to stop being as they are now.
I..[blot] I am done with allowing this to happen. I am done with letting them twist us, Ren, Lafey, Phooka, Nenia, Kaiya, any of us. Look at what it's done. How can I stand for this? I cannot. He is in so much pain, as is she, as am I; I am only spreading suffering now. They all have to watch or look away.
AND I WANT IT TO STOP.
[large ink blot]
It will be stopped. It will end, and I will see to it, one way or another. And..[blot]
Then I will find them again.
[small spot]
I won't leave. I will never throw them away either.
They're my friends. And I will see this end, see the pain of it end, or give all my Choice in trying.
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