28,Zephyr, 1327
Lafey and I spoke today. I was full of Chaos, but she still seemed to want an exchange of words, which surprised me a bit. We wandered where the breeze of whim took us, and found a wonderful place down close by a fall of water. She was concerned for my wilting, though it was difficult to speak of what I felt at first. But before I spoke of those thoughts, I think I caught sight of another.
I don't know if it was for me to understand. I wonder if she is worried about becoming lost. I told her that it will not happen, I have her name, and will not forget, so I won't lose her. There was something there, but I believe she made an illusion, placed a second self for just a moment to distract from her first. Humans are interesting, they seem to rather place second selves than simply speak their choices, thoughts, and wonderings. I have always thought bringing out a second self required much more focus to keep around; perhaps they enjoy it.
Nenia found us before I answered of my wilting. They had their ritual of unbotherment before I decided to answer the question, perhaps too quickly, but I did not want to forget to answer. I wanted to know what she meant by the inevitability.
It was only in harming others. She said that is because I can only know what they tell me, and so, sometimes they might not give me what it is that harms them. Because of that, I may say those things without knowing or meaning to, and they may do the same to me. It makes sense, and I understand it entirely now, but that is not how I thought she meant it before. So I told her that.
I actually wanted to tell her what I had thought before, but I could not find the words amongst my branches quickly enough. [inkspot] Perhaps I will write the words now, so I have them if I ever want to find them again.
[ink blot]
I can be wrong about it all. But that is what, I think, was worrying me. It.. It makes me uneasy to think about, but to know that Lafey meant none of that is a comfort. [little blot] Though even just placing the words here has unrooted my thoughts a bit much to place the rest of the knowledge.
I still wish to run. I had after we spoke, as I wish to find that thing I will know when seen. Lafey said Ren may come around at some point, I am not sure if I will catch him to run with me. But at least two know I intend it.
Lafey and I spoke today. I was full of Chaos, but she still seemed to want an exchange of words, which surprised me a bit. We wandered where the breeze of whim took us, and found a wonderful place down close by a fall of water. She was concerned for my wilting, though it was difficult to speak of what I felt at first. But before I spoke of those thoughts, I think I caught sight of another.
I don't know if it was for me to understand. I wonder if she is worried about becoming lost. I told her that it will not happen, I have her name, and will not forget, so I won't lose her. There was something there, but I believe she made an illusion, placed a second self for just a moment to distract from her first. Humans are interesting, they seem to rather place second selves than simply speak their choices, thoughts, and wonderings. I have always thought bringing out a second self required much more focus to keep around; perhaps they enjoy it.
Nenia found us before I answered of my wilting. They had their ritual of unbotherment before I decided to answer the question, perhaps too quickly, but I did not want to forget to answer. I wanted to know what she meant by the inevitability.
It was only in harming others. She said that is because I can only know what they tell me, and so, sometimes they might not give me what it is that harms them. Because of that, I may say those things without knowing or meaning to, and they may do the same to me. It makes sense, and I understand it entirely now, but that is not how I thought she meant it before. So I told her that.
I actually wanted to tell her what I had thought before, but I could not find the words amongst my branches quickly enough. [inkspot] Perhaps I will write the words now, so I have them if I ever want to find them again.
We have several inevitabilities depending on our choices, or even what was made for us before we were born. It is something almost [spot] scary about the Dream, something I can only see away from it; it directs you before you even know yourself. It gives you second-knowledge, shows you things you feel you must do, it's hard to know if its you who Bends the Dream, or the Dream that Bends you. It is like something insatiable, I have heard, something you can never seem to get away from until you dowhatever it is you feel you are meant to do. Many find comfort in knowing with their Dream-given hints, they think it is just them and who they are, that they are growing towards what they were born to do, and perhaps they are right. Who am I to say?
But I think [spot] I think those of Nightmare have a point to what they speak, which is why some find them so enticing. Though, those of Nightmare just wish to Bend the Dream to Bend others; they do not want freedom. They just want to be thorny vines around a different stalk.
Our inevitabilities are like this. Our paths may be directed for us, influenced so much we cannot tell if it is us or not anymore, but we have one another to share it with; or we may cut away from it all as much as we can, and be alone to know ourselves without that direction in solitude.[spot] Even in that Silence, though, it must constantly be maintained. It is worrying for me to think that the inevitability of 'what we think we must', from wherever it comes from, is so great that... we might never be free to make our own 'musts'.
But I think [spot] I think those of Nightmare have a point to what they speak, which is why some find them so enticing. Though, those of Nightmare just wish to Bend the Dream to Bend others; they do not want freedom. They just want to be thorny vines around a different stalk.
Our inevitabilities are like this. Our paths may be directed for us, influenced so much we cannot tell if it is us or not anymore, but we have one another to share it with; or we may cut away from it all as much as we can, and be alone to know ourselves without that direction in solitude.[spot] Even in that Silence, though, it must constantly be maintained. It is worrying for me to think that the inevitability of 'what we think we must', from wherever it comes from, is so great that... we might never be free to make our own 'musts'.
[ink blot]
I can be wrong about it all. But that is what, I think, was worrying me. It.. It makes me uneasy to think about, but to know that Lafey meant none of that is a comfort. [little blot] Though even just placing the words here has unrooted my thoughts a bit much to place the rest of the knowledge.
I still wish to run. I had after we spoke, as I wish to find that thing I will know when seen. Lafey said Ren may come around at some point, I am not sure if I will catch him to run with me. But at least two know I intend it.
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